by Jenna Pope

Created on: March 25, 2010

Definition:

Experts do not agree on what codependency is or what causes it.  But the short answer is that codependency is a dysfunctional relationship that often manifests when a person becomes the "caretaker" of an addicted or troubled individual. Codependency is used to describe the maladaptive behavior that results from a stressful preoccupation with another individual's life.   People who are constantly focusing on the needs and behaviors of others are considered to be codependent.

Codependency can be a learned behavior, passed down from one generation to another.  It is also known as "relationship addiction" because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.  Codependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence.

In a codependent relationship, one partner does almost all the giving, while the other does almost all the taking, almost all of the time.

A Typical Codependent:

A typical co-dependent would spend the night in a frenzied state of sleepless worry and anger about the loved one in her life who was out drinking all night. The same obsessive focus alcohol has in the alcoholic's life - the codependent has for the alcohol-ic in her life. The time and energy the alcoholic dedicates to alcohol is the same amount of time and energy the co-dependent dedicates to alcohol-ism. The same love/hate relationship the alcoholic has with alcohol, the codependent has with the alcoholic.  

As many times as the alcoholic gets fed up with the consequences of his drinking, swearing off alcohol is probably the same number of times the codependent wife has sworn off the alcoholic. In those times when she actually left the alcoholic in her life, dismissing him as the source of all her inner pain and anguish, she became acutely aware of having withdrawal symptoms. Of course, eventually she begins again with the alcoholic, the same way the alcoholic begins again with alcohol.

The codependent is just as ill as the object of her obsession.  Without intervention through counseling and therapy, the codependent will never be capable of detaching her needs from those of the object of her codependency.

History:

The original concept of codependency was developed to acknowledge the responses and behaviors people develop from living with an alcoholic or substance abuser.   However,

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>