by Greg Dalton

Created on: March 25, 2010   Last Updated: March 26, 2010

You can find hundreds of articles that give advice about what to do and what to say when your child tells you that he or she is gay.  They will all tell you to be supportive, loving, and open with your child about their sexuality but there is one very important thing that often gets forgotten.  Be honest with your child about your feelings on the subject as well. 

                As parents who have raised a child, we feel like we know our children better than anyone else ever can.  We must not forget that our children know us equally as well.  If you have always expressed views against a gay lifestyle then force a smile and a hug when your child comes out to you, they will know if you are not being totally honest with them.  This is going to be a very important time to make sure your child trusts you.  If you cannot understand your child or agree with their lifestyle, that’s ok.  You can be supportive and loving of the person even if you don’t support their choices.  When your child “comes out” to you, they do not just want to hear “It’s ok” or “I still love you”.  That comfort at home is important to all, but they need to find out that they can still feel comfortable and happy when not in the company of people that “agree” with them.

                Here’s a good way to let your child know that you love them and support them even if you disagree with part of their life.  Explain to him/her that you appreciate the fact that they came to you seeking support of their “differences”, and that you value your relationship with them enough to put aside your feelings and that you just want them to be happy.

                To those that can’t seem to accept this news, I would like to make a comparison.  Everyone loves cake, right?  Imagine the smell of a warm cake coming out of the oven, and how much you love that cake.  (If you truly don’t like cake then pick your favorite food)  Now let me ask you this.  Do you love every individual ingredient of that cake?  Would you walk into the kitchen and eat a spoonful of flour, raw eggs, or baking soda?  Of course you wouldn’t.  As a matter of fact, you probably dislike more of the individual ingredients than you like.  But that still doesn’t change how much you love what comes out of the over after all of those ingredients are blended together.  Your child is no different.  You love your son or daughter more than your own life, and there are a lot of ingredients that go together to make one person.  You don’t have to love everything about a person to love what they truly are when all of their individual ingredients are mixed together.  If this analogy makes sense to you, present it to your child as a way to help them understand that while you may not agree with their views, you still love what they have grown to be.

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