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Satire: Being a Freemason's wife

by Gary Knackstedt

Created on: March 24, 2010

Obviously, the writer of this article is a freemason's wife. However, she is also a SUBVERSIVE wife. Were she otherwise, she would not be complaining about her husband's freemason activities. One organization which has a large contingent of SUBVERSIVE women is the Order of the Eastern Star.

The Order of the Eastern Star is a Masonicly affiliated order. In order to be a member, you must be over 18 and a freemason or the relative of a freemason. The OES is run by women. While there is usually an associate patron and a worthy patron (at least one Mason must be present in order for an OES meeting to occur), the organization is run by the worthy matron (although the secretary may be the real power behind the coven.....whoops...I mean chapter). While Masonic meetings are usually serious in nature, OES meetings are much more light hearted. There are even OES drill teams, which consists of the wommen officers of the chapter who practice the OES ritiuals for observation by members of the grand coven....oh, there I go again....grand chapter. I have heard many stories about the difficulties encountered by OES drill teams. It seems that there is great difficulty in getting women to march clockwise instead of counter clockwise, and there is greater difficulty still in getting women to differentiate a right turn from a left turn. Freemason's generally do not have this difficulty.

OES chapters might be thought of as "support groups" for the wives of freemason's. While a few OES members also have fathers or grandfathers who are freemasons, the vast majority of OES members are the wives of freemasons. The wives of freemasons have a unique set of problems, for instance, there are a few secrets that freemasons have sworn to protect. Each degree has more secrets than the next, and the penalty of violating each additional degrees obligation or oath is a successively more grotesque method of execution. So ladies, if your husband won't share his Masonic secrets with you, remember he is merely protecting his own life and the unity of the family.

There is also a large contingent of OES members who are the WIDOWS of freemasons. This may be for one of several reasons. First, FREEMASONRY IS FATAL. I have been watching my own lodge, and observing my fellow freemasons. Without exception, the 50 year pin seems to be the largest killer among freemasons. Yes, it is true. I have been watching, and almost every freemason that receives his 50 year pin is dead within 5 years. Generally, freemason's bodies seem to begin deteriorating at about the time they receive that 50 year pin. Their bodies bow, they begin to shuffle and forget things, and before long they are either in a nursing home, long term cre facility, or.....dead.

There is, of course, the OTHER POSSIBILITY. OES members, who are the wives of freemasons may be killing their husbands. I have been wathching this phenomenon for some time as well, and like the Masonic Pin, it appears that mairriage to OES members for 50 or more years causes death. Yes, sure enough, most freemasons to not survive mairriage to an OES member for more than 50 years. You may want to consider that when choosing a wife....Will you be able to live for 50 or more years with her, or will you succumb to here wiles and perish before those 50 years are up......Look closely at these widows. They may be killing their husbands, and should, RIGHTLY, be held accountable.

So, watch out for the wives of freemasons, they may be killers!

Learn more about this author, Gary Knackstedt.
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