by Leah Curtis

Created on: March 24, 2010

Why would you tell a friend that they needed to lose weight? People often say they would advise a friend to lose weight for health reasons. This reasoning brings two thoughts to mind. The first one is the assumption that your friend does not know that she needs to lose weight. The second assumption would be that you feel that your friend is stupid. Diabetes, high blood pressure and a higher risk of a heart attack, is not only information known to people who do not have to lose weight.  

When I go for my yearly physical and my doctor tells me I have to lose weight I understand why she is telling me this. It does not come as a complete surprise and my feelings are not particularly hurt because she is telling me to lose weight for health reasons. Now if a friend decided to tell me the same thing my reaction would be completely different.  First off, a friend is just that: a friend. Not a doctor but a friend and however well-meaning friends are, telling someone that they need to lose weight is not going to be met with anything other than a hostile reaction. If I need to lose weight, I hardly need a friend to remind me of this fact.

Who would want a friend who tells them that they need to lose weight? The only circumstance I can imagine where a friend would do this would be if his or her friend asked the question "do I need to lose weight?" However, when a person asks this type of question she is usually looking for reassurance, not brutal honesty. Stop and think what it would do to your friend's self-esteem if they heard from you that you thought that they should lose weight. Tanita, a health and fitness company did a study of 3000 women and found that 25% of the women did tell friends that they needed to lose weight. 12% of the women said that their friend was devastated and the other 10% burst into tears. 29% of the women said they would be very hurt if a friend told them they needed to lose weight.*

A person who needs to lose weight already knows that they need to lose weight. They do not need anyone to tell them "hey, I just thought I'd mention that you look fat and should go on a diet". Now, if you want to hurt someone's feelings, go ahead and say that to your friend, because that is all you will accomplish. Feelings get hurt and the person doing the telling comes off sounding like a condescending, self-righteous busybody. People do not fall to the floor, offering thanks, because you have told them something they already know. They just resent you for it.

People who feel that they need to tell a friend that they need to lose weight always say that they only had their friend's best interest at heart. People who say that should honestly examine their intentions. An overweight person knows the risks associated with being overweight. How very self-righteous of a so-called friend to reveal these facts and cloak it in a blanket of caring and helpfulness.

Weight is a sensitive subject for many people. Ask yourself how grateful you would be if your friend told you that you needed to lose weight. I would not be grateful at all. I do not like hurting anyone’s feelings, especially my friends. I do not care what my friends look like but I do care how big their hearts are. Their weight is their business, not mine.

*Tanita health and fitness study (Daily Telegraph Sydney)

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