by Gabby Bugwadia

Created on: March 23, 2010   Last Updated: March 24, 2010

As a parent, I have always believed in the dictum, “children are the samples of our examples.” As parents are the most powerful influence in their children's lives, it is they who are to be blamed if children behave badly. If children fail, if they demonstrate bad behavior, if they grow up to be social misfits, should the parents not be blamed?

It is the duty of every parent to ease their child's journey through life, by encouragement and unqualified acceptance of who they are. Parents need to take time, make concentrated effort and honor the commitment to teach their children the fundamentals of good behavior, so that they can learn to create a worthy place for themselves in this world.

According to Marie Montessori, the first stage of childhood is characterized by the "Absorbent Mind." A child absorbs a great deal of knowledge from his/her environment spontaneously, without any conscious effort, simply by living in it. During the intermediate stage of development, the child pushes towards what Montessori calls "the valorization of his personality" and makes a determined effort to move towards full, harmonious development -physically, mentally, socially and spiritually. It is at this “sensitive” period of the child’s life, that one may find certain deviations in behavior.  

The years 9-12 are indeed the most crucial and influential years in molding the child's personality. It has been noted by research psychologists that this is the period when children are most widely overlooked or neglected. Parents who fail to understand the motives of their children's bad behavior, often find their children landing up in dangerous and disastrous situations. A child, who feels neglected, may have been looking for some signs of interest and concern from his parents. If this is not forthcoming from the parents, either due to indifference or involvement in their own careers, then these kids become engulfed in a sense of 'void' during their young lives.

This void, feelings of emptiness in children, leads them to rebel and manifest bad behavior; they form gangs or even indulge in wild, unhealthy escapades! At this stage, parents, in their utter helplessness, succumb to the idea of allowing the psychologists and psychiatrists to take over and mend the lapses which they themselves unknowingly created in the first place. Efficient handling of the situation by the parents early-on could prevent acceleration of the problem in later years as the child enters the precarious period of adolescence.

We must not forget that children's development at home precedes in importance and structure to the development at school. By building a strong relationship with their children, parents can greatly contribute to building their children’s self-esteem and self-confidence. It is indeed the patents duty to ensure that their children become well-adjusted, happy and successful adults. If children turn out otherwise and behave badly, no one but the parents can be blamed.

Parents, Beware! Do not fail to use your power to empower your children.

Source: The Absorbent Mind by Marie Montessori

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