by Marie Lorraine

Created on: March 22, 2010

In relationships, couples tend to pride themselves on being able to talk about anything and everything. The measure of a healthy relationship is often based on honesty, trust, and how comfortable we feel discussing ourselves, our feelings, hopes, and goals. However, there are few topics that can strike more fear and tension into an otherwise blissful union than the opening of the ex-files.

Chances are, you have had lovers before. By adulthood, most of us have a few failed relationships under our belts, and logic would follow that our current partners have had the same. Although we are consciously aware of this fact, most people would rather not know anything about it. If we put a name and a face to the ex of this person who is now the center of our world, it becomes easy to put too much thought into “their” relationship instead of “our” relationship.

This is enough to drive some people to the brink of obsession, looking up the ex on social networking sites, or even trying to catch a glimpse of them in person to answer those burning questions that get us into trouble. Is she better looking than I am? Does he have more friends than I do? What can I do to be better than the ex?

This is obviously illogical thinking, because the fact is you probably are already. There is a reason they are not together anymore, and your partner has chosen you instead of going back to that certain person, just as there is a reason for every breakup under your belt as well. It is this reason that determines whether or not it is possible to be friends with an ex.

The time that has gone by since the end of the relationship is also an important factor. If he left you for another woman a few months ago and you are still hurting about it, chances are your desire to start a friendship with him is closer to a self-destructive want to get him back than anything else. If this is the case, turn the other way, because you can do better.

If you or your ex are currently in a relationship, and you become friends again without one or the other of your current partners knowing, this is another red flag signifying that one or both of you is looking for more than friendship and have something to hide. Abandon ship before someone (or everyone) involved gets hurt.

The relationships I have seen turn into friendships most often start when both parties are very young and unaware of the meaning of a true adult relationship. Very often two people will get along wonderfully as teenagers

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>