by Ooreofeoluwa Kalejaiye

Created on: March 21, 2010

“How does one define a coward? Is it by the things they do or the things they don’t do? Is it by the things they say or the things they don’t say? Is it by the things they wear or the things they don’t wear? Is it by the things they have or the things they don’t have? What makes you look at a person and think, “mmmmnnn, there goes the coward of a person.” Is courage the opposite of cowardice? Because if it is and courage is the ability to go on in the midst of one’s fears, it would mean that cowardice is the surrender to fear. Does that seem right to you to assume that when one acts cowardly, they are operating on some level of fear? I just have this nagging sensation that I’m about to find out.”

“Temi, stop filling that diary of yours and come down here right now.”

“Mummy, I’m coming okay? Just one more line, please.”

“RIGHT THIS MINUTE, TEMI. I MEAN IT. NOW!”

I had to go downstairs before my mother came up herself to rip my head off but, I’d be back. Maybe not today but another day, I would definitely be back.

“So it’s been two weeks and I still have that nagging feeling, it’s just that now I have more questions too. I have this recurrent dream and I just don’t understand what it means. It starts out in pitch blackness. There is nothing in the room, nothing at all and then gradually I begin to hear the sound of my own breathing. I’m wondering where all the light is and I try to find a switch but I realize that I can’t move; I’m boxed in. In wiggling around, it dawns on me that I’m lying flat on my back and there is some sort of lid, a hair’s breath away from my face but strangely , I’m not panicked, if anything, I’m very calm. The calm doesn’t last long because I then begin to feel this dread in the pit of my stomach; the feeling becomes so strong I begin to choke on it. I can taste the fear in my mouth. It’s got a hold on me; it’s pulling me down deeper and deeper. I’m trying to fight it but it’s not letting up, it won’t let go. The more I struggle, the stronger the force becomes, almost like it feeds on the fight. I’m trying to scream but no sound escapes my open mouth. Just as I begin to lose my breath, the lid opens and I’m awake, my eyes wide shut. What in the world does it mean? I can’t answer that now, mostly because I don’t

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