by Joshua Zepnick

Created on: March 20, 2010

  After the fallout of a break-up has cleared, there is often the temptation to return to the significant other under the guise of "friendship." While intentions are often honest, becoming close friends with an ex-lover is, in most cases, a terrible idea.

   First, it is hard to remove old feelings for the other person. Although you may say you do not love him or her (and you may not), becoming friends with that person can revive old feelings and cause you to once again crave a relationship, especially if you begin to spend large amounts of time with them. You may realize that you and the other person could never work out your differences, or change your problems, but that logic does not always translate into proper action when emotions take over. Therefore, it is often best to try to remove the other person from your life altogether if possible, even though this may be extremely difficult and may appear, on the surface, to be quite rude.

  Second, relationships often end in a rather cataclysmic fashion, and it is best to get out of the way of the damage. Threats, angry words, abuse, and stalking are all too common in the world we live in. Sometimes, these arguments get worked out, and there is the temptation to try a relationship again. This is a very bad idea. If the first break-up was bad, the inevitable second break-up will only be  much worse. There is the thought that the person will be more civil, more reasonable, more loving, and much changed the second time. This is certainly a lie: people very rarely change who they are for someone else, which is why couples, upon realizing that the person they married is not the sweet, loving individual they went out with before wedlock, often end their marriage in an ugly divorce in the first one to five years following the tying of the knot.

   A good friendship with an ex is a bad, if not impossible idea, because the lines by which we define friendship have been not only bent, but completely broken. It is hard to return back to the stage of being "just friends" when sex, romantic dates, and loads of emotion have pushed friendship out of the picture. There is a better chance of a heroin addict getting high off of a cigarette. Learn from your mistakes, but do not repeat them. Leave well enough alone, walk away from the rubble, and start your life new away from the pressures of a relationship which never really was and never could be.

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