by Mj Ferruzza

Created on: March 19, 2010

How to Handle a Self Serving, Non Paying, Tyrannical & Temperamental,
Foul Mouthed, Producer/Director and still get cast!

An instruction guide/comedy in 4 parts

PART ONE

Since these people have no life of their own after taking on
a project, reminding them of the "real world" can be dangerous and
should be avoided at all cost.
Scenario:
Talent discusses part of the audition sides (script) with chain

smoking producer.
Talent: This is just like on the TV show Lost in that episode where they
found the cave and...
Producer: I never saw it.
Talent: That episode?
Producer: Your resume! Who are you reading for? Oh hell! Next!

PART TWO

The 'after the film is over' phone call from the 'you loved my first
takes' attention starved talent to the 'I used ya, already. Get over it'
producer.
Scenario:
Talent has come across the producers phone number from an ex lover
who did not make it in the movie or an unpaid sound man.
Producer: Hello?
Talent: Hey! I found you! It wasn't easy.
Producer: How did you get this number?
Talent: Look I don't want to bother you, but... I haven't gotten my
check.
Producer: We are still in negotiations with the distributor, but after
that you will be the first to...
Talent: And I haven't received a copy of my scenes for my demo.
Producer; Really? They should have been sent directly from the editing
room, maybe Fed Ex...
Talent: And I am not even listed on the IMdb!
Producer: Those things take time.
Talent: And where is the SAG card you promised me?
Producer: (*Gulp*)

PART THREE

The red carpet showing of the film at the local Mall Octo-plex.
Scenario:
Producer sees Talent talking to local news talking head/wannabee reporter
sent out to cover some local flavor (and because her nephew was in the film,
though currently-unbeknown-st to the reporter-on the cutting room floor).
Producer sides up to Talent to get some TV time.
Talent: We filmed all night at Meijer and...
Producer; Hey! It's great for everyone to come out and support the film.
Reporter: This is?
Talent: Our Producer/Director
Reporter: Well! Congratulations.
Producer: Well the real thanks should go to all the wonderful people I put
together to get this film off the ground. If it hadn't been for all the hard
work I never would have gotten them all together. It was tough, but I did it!
Reporter: How brave. How very brave of you. Now tell me! How was it working
with this young man? (She indicates Talent.)
Producer: Bill? He was great. Bill really got into the role. Bill carried
the part from day one. Bill had some great scenes that...

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