by Katerina Nikolas

Created on: March 18, 2010   Last Updated: December 15, 2010

There aren’t really any speed limits on the roads in Greece. If you sit down under a no smoking sign there will be a handy ashtray allowing you to smoke. There is no shame attached to handing over bribes to get something done and it’s perfectly acceptable to run over cats and snakes. Some things just aren’t on though.

You mustn’t telephone anyone between 2-6, the siesta hours, or blow your horn. Likewise you won’t be allowed to swim in a pool and disturb the peace in the afternoons as people are trying to sleep off lunch. Even worse you must not drink coffee at the wrong time, or in the wrong amount. It simply isn’t done.

It may be perfectly acceptable for olive pickers to start their day with a shot of the local fire brew raki before handling dangerous chain saws. It is perfectly acceptable to double park on a busy street and hold up all traffic for 10 minutes, unless a policeman spots you. It is not acceptable though to have a second coffee in the evening.

Greek coffee is a strong wicked brew served in a cup not much bigger than a thimble. It is always strong and black as real Greeks never put cream or milk in their coffee, but it may have the addition of sugar turning it into an overly sweet girly concoction. It will always be served with a glass of cold water, perhaps in case you swallow any of the thick, sludgy residue which lurks at the bottom of the cup and leaves grit in your teeth.

Breakfast in Greece consists of Greek coffee and cigarettes. Real Greeks don’t need food in the early mornings. It is perfectly natural to take a seat in the kafenion and indulge in a coffee in the morning. Even two coffees in the morning won’t have the eyebrows raised. However if you try to commit the terrible faux pas of having more than one coffee in the evenings then not only will eyebrows be raised but voices will be too.

There are dire consequences to be faced if too much coffee is consumed in the evening. You won’t be able to digest your meal later, your insides will rot, your intestines will most likely fight their way through your stomach, you’ll never sleep again, your hair will fall out, your fingernails will be stunted, no one will marry you, and you’ll end up a sad old git with a donkey for company. You can see just how dire the consequences are of that second coffee before dinner.

It has been known that such an outcry has ensued in the kafenions over this disgusting habit of ordering a second coffee that the kafenion owner has been trapped in a terrible bind. Does he give in to the warped request of the customer, thereby collecting his one euro? If he does then he will face the wrath of the rest of the customers who may boycott the kafenion. He may be caught in such a dilemma that the outcry could cause major feuds to be reignited, and he’ll end up having to ban half of his regulars just to keep the peace.

Of course Greeks do not take well to being told what they can’t do, so the best solution for the coffee addict craving the second tiny cup of evening coffee is to take a seat in the kitchen with his cigarettes, and drink his coffee away from the judgemental eyes and words of the other patrons.

The kafenion owner gets his one euro, the other customers think they have saved the coffee drinkers life, and the coffee addict has his coffee in peace. So beware that if someone offers you a second coffee in Greece they most likely have murderous thoughts in mind.  

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