Without fun who would want to live in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse.

How to survive.

(1) Develop a wide range strategy for neutralizing the hordes of living dead.

First develop a basic way to stop these mindless creatures. Take time to watch the crowds at a Will Young concert to get ideas. Your strategy must take into account volume. Although slow moving, zombies will roam in large packs, so the reload time for your trusty shotgun could mean you are overwhelmed and finished. Quick firing weapons such as the uzi may not have the stopping power to prevent the onslaught. So what does that leave? Perhaps an oblique angle, like the use of high power audio equipment. Guns and Roses have been used before to bring down dictators, so why not a high volume blast of Welcome to the Jungle. Unable to comprehend the genius of Slash's riffs could cause shut down. Or a blast of Drum and Base would stop them in there tracks as they try to join in with the impromptu rave. This allows you time to retreat to a safer place. Don't set up perimeter mines, you'll just forget about them after you've found that one bar that still has beer

(2) Hideaway should be very carefully chosen. I would go for either a secluded island, with all natural resources available, or the top of a high building. Your hideaway should be chosen with care, ensuring that the following criteria is met...

No crawl-able ventilation or lift shaft.

No handy doorways or nooks in corridors which invading zombies can hide behind as you gun them down.

Good, solid doors on your lair, not electronic locks that open when power is restored.

Should you be with others, always ensure that any helmets worn have clear visors.

For further safety, why not install booby traps including a 20 ft stone ball that could be rolled down the corridor for general relief. Go on, you know you want to.

(3) Don't accept anyone's word that they haven't been injured. Any scratches, bite marks, or injuries that slow them down should be regarded as zombie fodder, and used to lure any roaming packs away from yourself. Remember, friends are pre-Apocalypse. Also remember that the hot women who wants your body is most definitely the zombie queen.

(4) Remember that large supermarkets will draw in zombies, as most of them worked there before. Stick to small family run stores that can be pacified with 2 or 3 shots. Shop Local.

(5) Don't try to find a way to communicate with the rest of the world. If it is an isolated incident, the military will be there soon enough. If it's widespread, who ya gonna call? Rememer that most call centers employed zombies before the event.

Learn more about this author, Paul Teasdale.
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