by Joan Pedersen

Created on: March 17, 2010

7 (Maybe 8) Steps to Stop Smoking

Over the past thirty years our society as a whole has made remarkable advances in changing the culture of cigarette smoking. Yet despite the imposition of legal restrictions, coupled with heightened social stigma, the deleterious nicotine endemic persists.  Over 46 million Americans remain in their quest to kick the habit, and these days add Barack Obama to the list, perhaps the best known of closet smokers as busted by his concerned wife.  

Realizing the injurious health risks posed by this nasty vice, the President’s personal physician, Dr. Jeremy Putnam from Walter Reed Army Medical Center, has outlined seven critical steps for smoking cessation.  Actually he has eight recommendations, yet shared only seven publically, given that is his lucky number.  (The eighth appears in small print on his website.)

 Non-presidents are likewise encouraged to follow these medical steps, noteworthy for their obvious simplicity.   

Step 1.   Keep a Journal.  As all addictions go, it is imperative that you not deny your true feelings, but rather own, embrace, honor, and befriend them much as you would Sasha and Malia.  Journaling allows you to understand the crucial relationship between your emotions and desire for nicotine.  Should you not be in touch with your feelings or believe that you don’t have any, jot in a notebook, “note to self: locate some feelings.”    

Step 2.  Join “Dancing with the Stars.”  While a rigorous polka and/or salsa with all their spins and twirls will wreak havoc on your Secret Service detail, overall you’ll be pleased with the excellent cardio vascular workout.  As well, there are no ashtrays on the show’s dance floor or green room, which can only help.  Truly appreciate the curative workout your tar-stained lungs and weakened heart will experience after the show’s grueling six-week audition.  Your aching bunions are another story.  

 Sadly, however, there is the possibility that the stress of competing with the likes of Cloris Leachman and Tom Delay, if not actually them, might trigger a massive yearning for nicotine.   Not to worry, you can sublimate this craving into a lively rumba, always a favorite on the dance circuit. 

Step 3.  Affirm yourself.   Each morning before your Cabinet meeting, look yourself

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