by Akua Hinds

Created on: March 17, 2010

There are good men scattered all around the universe, but some women may have unrealistic expectations about where to find these men.  Some women believe that the only places they should look to find a good man are in their own backyards or through mutual friends and acquaintances.  Other women are old-fashioned in their thinking and believe that men should do all of the pursuing in a romantic relationship.  Finding a good man is a mission and missions require a lot of work and preparation.  Good men are not born, rather, they are made and good men typically want good women.  This article will examine how to determine a man’s worth in a relationship and how to influence him to be the good man that you need.      

A good man will recognize your worth and not try to manipulate you.  Some men have difficulty communicating what they are feeling and play mind games or play on women’s sympathies to get their way.  Women should set a timeline as to how much patience they are willing to show a man who doesn’t meet their standards. For example, one of my friends feels very strongly that any man involved with her must pull his own weight financially.  If the man she is with finds himself out of work, then she gives him a deadline of 2 months to find new employment or she is terminating the relationship.  By taking this strong stance not to be taken advantage of by her man she is sending the message that as a good woman, she deserves better than to be used as a financial crutch by a man who may be tempted to get too comfortable being lazy. 

Good men may not always be the boys next door.  Online dating can open up doors that were closed for our ancestors due to lack of technology.  One of my friends found her good man through online dating and he lived halfway across the world from where she lives.  They are now living in North America and married with children.  This woman was smart enough to realize that good men can be found anywhere and she didn’t allow proximity to prevent her from finding and keeping her soul-mate in her life.  She took the reins and joined the online chat room where she found her mate and didn’t wait for Prince Charming to come galloping on a horse to rescue her from singledom.  Taking the initiative to find a good man will increase a woman’s chances of meeting the right man. 

Birds of a feather flock together.  A good man is probably living a good life; volunteering in the community or church, donating money to charitable causes, or working hard to build himself up.  He probably wants a good woman who shares his values.  Before whining and complaining that the good men are gone, ask yourself if you are preparing yourself to live the life of a good man’s partner.   Are you volunteering in the community?  Are you working hard and donating some of your hard-earned money to good causes?  What do you stand for and what are you doing?  Women need to ask themselves these questions before bemoaning about there being no good men available and become the good women that good men expect them to be; strong and resourceful, powerful yet humble. 

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