by Dossie M Terrell

Created on: March 16, 2010   Last Updated: May 29, 2012

You can say no without feeling badly if you think with your head and do not allow your emotions to dictate your responses. Think about the long term effects of your responses on both you and the requester. But more importantly, it is important that you get in touch with your own mode of thinking and your emotions to determine why you should feel badly about saying no. This is a self imposed burden that you should not have to carry.

Think about what you are being asked or requested to do

The first thing to do is determine whether what you are being asked or requested to do is rational. If you think about what you are being asked and you reason it out, chances are you will make logical and reasoned decisions and move forward without thinking about them again.

Determine the long term effects of saying no

Many times parents will experience mixed emotions when they must say no to their children. The way to get a handle on such emotions is to think long term. If your teen who has failed to demonstrate responsible behavior around the house by doing small chores or helping out asks for an automobile, it should not be difficult to say no.  That does not have to be your permanent response, but until they prove they are responsible, you should not buy the automobile and you should not feel remorse or guilt for not  doing so. The long term effect of saying no may turn behavior steeped in entitlement and apathy into behavior imbued with service to other and aspirations.

Know your mind

If occasionally you find you must say no to family, friends or acquaintances, there is no cause for alarm, but if others are frequently asking for favors that put you in an uncomfortable position, you might ask why?  Are you allowing yourself to a doormat in ways others feel no reservations about seeking you out for favors? If you are, you might want to change the way you interact with them. If you are a natural born benefactor,  you should have no misgivings about saying yes, but because you have difficulty saying no, there must be an imbalance in your relationships. Be honest and upfront about your own emotions and confront all the “whys.”

You should never feel badly about saying no if that is your final answer.  Just as you analyze other judgments you make, you should do the same when someone asks or requests you to do something.  Your decisions should factor in all long term effects of your responses as well as your motivations for saying no. If you are honest with yourself and do not allow your emotions to rule, you should have no qualms about saying no.

Learn more about this author, Dossie M Terrell.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.