by Nadine Angela-Louise Jones

Created on: March 15, 2010

Realising the past doesn’t stay dead,

That what was locked away,

Leaks back to mess with your head,

All this poison the rotten spoken words,

Seep into me again and spray me with a hapless suddenness that threatens to murder me,

In ice cold flames and a hot break of water,

It’s not a misery I like to bare,

It’s a roil or torment that cracks over me,

 And rips me to unnerved pieces,

I doubt myself and the hated anger rots inside me,

This victim I’ve become,

Sleeping until loves kiss melts me,

And all this stuff rises in the resolute emotions,

Breaking them down and making them murky,

Making them pain and hurtfulness,

Making them barrel through me,

Like a cigerette through paper,

Marring the edges to jagged fragile brokenness,

And every time you kiss me now,

I whimper ''don’t love me I’m broken'',

''You can’t love me this won’t last'',

''Don’t hurt I can’t stand it'',

''My scars won’t stay in the past'',

''Don’t love me I’m broken'',

''You can’t love me I’m dead'',

''An empty shell of a person'',

''A rotting corpse on the grass'',

I’m poison and it’s growing,

That which I thought was gone is seeping in,

And I feel words need to be spoken,

But they’re breaking down my tongue and I’m giving in,

Nothing ever came from hurtful truths,

Nothing ever came of broken dolls,

No child ever held a hand that wasn’t there,

Or played with the hair that’d been shaven,

There’s no sense in marring this,

In adding oil to water,

I feel it coming,

I don’t want to tell you,

I don’t want to break your spine,

I don’t want your feet to start moving,

I don’t want it to disgust you when you’re mine,

I’ve told before and it hurts things,

It breaks and muddies and clouds,

It ruins the pretty and wonderful,

The truth didn’t free it bound,

So now I’m back to hiding,

I’m letting this thing beat me again,

Just so I can lie in happiness,

Just so I can keep you a friend,

I’m playing dumb I’m playing blind I’m playing stupid,

I’m playing fine I’m playing here, I’m feigning normal,

I wonder you haven’t heard word of this from them,

Just so I can keep from confessing,

Just so I can keep you a little longer.

Learn more about this author, Nadine Angela-Louise Jones.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.