by Kellie Gobert

Created on: March 14, 2010

Chances are that if you've had the insight to type "Am I emotionally abused?", or  other interpretations of that question, you are. There are so many different types of abuse that a spouse of either sex can endure. When you think of the word "abuse", the first thing likely to come to mind is a physically combative relationship, bruises, and maybe even broken bones. But in many ways an emotional abuser is so much more intimidating.

First, your spouse is likely controlling your life in one aspect or another. It may start with your top being to low cut, or one of your friends that your new girlfriend could not seem to get along with (that's right ladies, men face the same relationship challenges we do, they are just less apt to speak of them). Shortly thereafter,small but noticeable changes start to occur, all of the complements you use to receive are replaced by imperfections that could be improved upon. Suddenly the clothes you wear, the friends you hang out with, and possibly your career are under a constant microscope.

Emotional abuse can (and usually does) start very slow. Possibly, and likely, there was a moment in time when you thought of your spouse as the most amazing mate in this universe; however over time, this opinion was clouded by rude remarks, belittlement, and in some severe cases a constant battle for a resemblance of self respect. Whether physical or emotional, abusers tend to keep this horrible part of themselves hidden until they are secure enough in the relationship to believe they can have, and maintain some sort of control.   

Unfortunately, there is no way to tell who has the potential to be a abuser, or for that matter why they do it. However, you can be sure that once this exploitation begins, unless you stand up for yourself and refuse to be treated in any other manner than with respect; not only will it continue, but in fact will intensify. The Dalai Lama said "Change only takes place through action. Not through prayer or meditation, but through action."

If you are still on the fence whether or not you are being emotionally abused then open you heart and ask: Does my spouse make me feel loved? You might wonder, what does feeling loved have to do with your question of emotional abuse? You see, that is all that this really boils down to: If you love and are truly loved in return, then you would not suffer from irrational fears, doubts, and animosities towards your significant other. There would be no need to ask yourself if you are being abused, because the person that you dedicate yourself to should uplift you, improve your self worth, and simply make you smile.

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