by trace elements

Created on: March 13, 2010

As I grew up funerals did not even hit my radar until I was quiet old. When my parents went to a funeral us kids always stayed at home and, me being the youngest, remained none the wiser as to where they were going. In those days children did not attend funerals, weddings or christenings. Why? I have no idea, but it did not really matter to me that I did not go as they did not involve any of my immediate family, but someone from the extended family.

Consequently I was nineteen when I attended my first funeral. I had already experienced death on more than one occasion, but had never made it to a crematorium or cemetery to witness the final demise of the body. You see I had been nursing for a year and had seen many deaths in my ward experiences. It is strange to see a dead person as they look as though they are asleep, well the ones I saw to begin with did anyway. Later I was to experience many in different circumstances, so they looked different depending on the cause of their death. I had even visited the mortuary and watched an autopsy, so death held no horrors for me. I felt at ease with the fact that the body was all that was left.

However, I was not prepared for the emotional turmoil I was to experience when I attended my Nan's funeral. I was away nursing when she died, so had to ask for compassionate leave to attend, which was the first hurdle I had to jump on this strange journey. I was shocked that I was not given it without question, instead I had to sit before my director of Nursing Education and justify why he should let me have the time off. I was upset and angry as it was, so my tolerance at his questions became strained, until I explained she was the head of our family, and in assuming this role she was there throughout all our growing up years. This seemed to satisfy him and I was released for three days. I then went to the Accident and Emergency department where I was working at the time and requested that I have my days off following these three days. They were more than accommodating, and hoped I would drive safely back to my home to be with family.

When I returned to my parents house, they were in disarray. My mum had just lost her mother and wanted nothing more than to have her children around her. Both my brother and sister were married with children, he lived in Scotland, my sister just round the corner. So consequently that day there was just my sister and I with our parents. We spent a day getting to grips with the news. Me I had loads

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