by Elaine M. Doxie

Created on: March 12, 2010   Last Updated: May 19, 2010

I wouldn't say that "force" is the right word, but it can definitely have a strong impact.

For 15 years, I was constantly accused of cheating on my husband.  I did everything in my power to prove that I was indeed faithful to him, but to no avail.  He put me down, calling me names, treating me like a second class citizen.  He abused me emotionally, verbally, physically, and asked me to do things in the bedroom that I was uncomfortable with. 

Through all of this, I never cheated.  I never even looked at another man.  He cheated on me, at least once that I know of, maybe more, but I never ever cheated on him.  He still didn't trust me. 

After a while, he told me he wanted to "watch" me with other men.  I drew the line there.  He would look at every woman that passed by that was even semi-attractive, telling me he'd like to have sex with her.  If any behavior would force a woman to be unfaithful, you would think that would be it, but I remained faithful to him because I took my marriage vows seriously, in spite of the fact that he did not. 

15 years into my marriage, I was at work one day, and imagine the surprise of a supposedly unattractive woman when a man comes up to her and gives her his number.  I didn't throw it away, but hung on to it for about a month.  I even told my husband about it, hoping that it would cause him to appreciate me a little bit more.  It didn't work.  He actually told me that this guy was probably not actually interested in me because I was so uninteresting and unattractive.

I finally called this guy to find out the truth.  The truth was that he was interested.  It was at that point that I decided to divorce my husband, because I then knew that I was not as unattractive ir uninteresting as he thought I was.  This infuriated him, and he tried to keep me from filing divorce, so that he could "prove" I was cheating.  He kept me away from the courthouse long enough so that he would be the one to file first, and get the upper hand in our divorce. 

Of course, he'll tell you I had been cheating for years, and I think he truly believes it, in spite of the fact that it's completely untrue.  In the end, I did some looking before I left, but I had one foot out the door already before I even looked.  I wish I could say the same about him.  What it comes down to, is that although a man's behavior cannot force a woman to cheat, it can force her to leave, and she may "jump ship" to another man if she doesn't feel safe leaving on her own.  I didn't wind up with the man who had given me his phone number, but he gave me the confidence in myself to be able to leave my husband, and look for a man who deserved the faithfulness that I am capable of.

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