by Michelle Hicks

Created on: March 12, 2010

If I walked away today

What would you do, what would you say

I’m sure you would notice, but how long would it take

How would you pay the bills or where would you stay

Who is going to buy you your favorite ice cream and hundred dollar shoes?

Who is going to nurse your wounds from the gang fights you lose

And with your bipolar and your short fuse

Who else can calm you down, preventing you from sporting the county blues

People scold me for being too soft

They say I need to teach your butt a lesson

But for you and them to fully understand

I must let loose this confession…

You …being safe, have became an obsession

So I just can’t let you go, and not being able to

Leaves me in an deep depression

All day, every day, due to your thuggish ways

I got to know where you are and when will you be home

I got folks in my ear yelling, “That’s a grown man now, leave that damn boy alone!”

But they don’t know how it feels when I have to visualize my own son’s tombstone

In a state of panic because it’s been 2 days and you still won’t pick up the darn phone

I do not know why I am letting you drive me crazy

When you’re grown now, maybe because in my eyes you’re still my baby

Or maybe because of you’re screwed up logic on life, or your lack of fear which really amaze me

And I swear if your weren’t so ignorant,

I would let you walk out the door everyday without letting it faze me

I buy you what you want and everything you need

Because I know that will keep you coming back to me

It’s a shame I have to threaten not to buy you a thing

Every time you don’t notify me of where your gonna be

And it’s a shame I sit in class or at work fearing another call from the EMT

Because you done endured another gang beating

I think of all the knots, stitches, bikes and pipes that have been taken to your head

It is a true blessing and a wonder that you are not dead

And just so you know, when change was nowhere in your heart, my heart bled

And when you wouldn’t feel the pain, it’s because I felt it instead

I no longer try to figure you out; it’s exhausting and too complicated

But you’re not that damn far gone to let me know that I am appreciated

For you, I come running and still to this day; I have never, ever hesitated

But when I get the guts to let you go, you will be devastated

You won’t know how cutting the cord will truly feel

until I stop buying the Nike, Googie, and Pelle Pelle

You blow me off now, but when I stop paying your phone bill

And don’t buy your video games, will you then see I am for real

Please, forgive me… for I am only letting you be a man,

but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you still

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