by Mac a'Bhaird

Created on: March 10, 2010

Friendship is a rare and precious thing; true friendship is relegated to just a few in a person’s lifetime. However, there are varying degrees of friendship, and if a person really understands that, rarely if ever will they need to ‘officially’ terminate a friendship. Even if your ‘friend’ has been disloyal to you, used you, or done any number of other things to you.

Of course if it is really a breach of friendship, you certainly don’t need to know when to end a friendship (it’s done for as it is). But if it’s just ‘stuff’ like any of the above (or even worse) it’s fair to approach your friend and simply say something like, ‘friends don’t treat friends like dirt; but I will still pledge to you the loyalty of a friend’... and leave it at that.

Why cut anyone off? I learned years ago, you gain nothing by cutting anyone off, but by keeping the door open, you still gain a chance for friendship to bud again. That’s not to say that things might not be different, you may not have lunch together as often as you did before, you may not call or text each other as you did before, but you’ve had no ‘official’ end of your friendship. Keep the door open!

Although Richard Nixon brought a lot of his own woes upon himself, as he left the White House in disgrace he made this comment:

“Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.”

Another thing is, the ‘tit for tat’ game is a loser’s game. Some people feel they have to get even; like there’s a vengeance or a blood lust that needs to be satisfied. Again, there’s little to gain by retribution, if there’s any satisfaction in it, that satisfaction burns out quickly, and what have you really gained? You certainly haven’t gained your friend back, but you may have gained an enemy.

If they spread lies about you or breached your confidence by telling someone something you told them in secret, are you going to lower yourself to their level and do the same to them? Forget it; vengeance is a loser’s game. Perhaps it is true you’ve been used and abused by your friend. Better to let those logs burn out on their own; don’t add any fuel to the fire.

It is amazing still, how those logs will end up burning out. While the blaze is hot and heavy, you feel justified to do a number of things. Just be patient.  After all; ‘a friend loveth at all times’. By taking the high road, you’ve kept the door open. Maybe, just maybe you’ll salvage that friendship. It’s worth a try.

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