by Terri Gillard

Created on: March 09, 2010

One thing we should have learned by now is money can't buy love. Oh yes, money and expensive gifts offer many benefits for the receiver,  but, they also bring many negatives into the lives of both the receiver and the giver.
I have seen first hand the effects of unlimited gift giving. My mother decided to adopt and raise my child (to whom I gave birth to at 16). My son was showered with unlimited funds, designer clothes, and a sports car. He used these items to buy liquor and drugs, expensive jeans, and, he changed girlfriends as easily as he changed his designer tees.

Did he enjoy the bounty poured into his lap? Of course, he enjoyed the boundless perks of cash that he received from my parents. However, as he grew older he became one of the most feared of entities- a teenager without financial restrictions; and, let's not forget, a teenager with a two-seater sports car and raging hormones.

As my son grew into a popular young man, his funds and his car drove other kids into his sphere, and his youth and immaturity put him on a one-way street towards a collision course with pain and hurt. (Puns intended.) As I watched helplessly from the sidelines, I could see what my parents couldn't-a young man conflicted over his birth. To my eyes, it was evident that his reckless disregard for the value of money would lead to trouble for him.  But, like my parents, I did not realize that my son saw the money and gifts as bribery.

Furthermore,  he not only thought that the money and gifts were to make him forget that I was his mother, he thought they were intended to show him that I was unable or unfit to provide for him. And, all that the money and gifts did was to make him angry and very resentful. He acted very badly. He wrecked the sports car and received so many tickets that he lost his driving license by the time he was 17.  

Did the money and gifts really benefit my child? Did he equate "things" with love? Did he feel loved and secure? Peace and happiness? NO! Please, use my example of heartbreak to know what not to do. My son eventually came to us heartsick and angry that he was given "things" and not "love". It has taken years, prayers, patience, and yes, LOVE to help him put his life on track. He is now responsible, polite, loving and honest (something we should have been. )

I am so proud of him and so ashamed of me and my parents. It took my son spinning out of control to realize the mess that can happen when "things" are used in place of love and truth. Fill your childrens'  needs, but give them an over abundance of love. They will be the happier for it. 

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