by Vicki Phipps

Created on: March 08, 2010

If you are anywhere close to my age, you’d know what Pop-Eye would say, at least when it comes to self improvement. "I am what I am and that’s all that I am and I’m Pop-Eye the sailor man." Okay? Even so, I suppose I’ve read every self help book known to man, and that’s the problem. They were all written by men, so here’s what I want to know, when it comes to self improvement. What would any man know about that? I’ve never met a man who improved anything, much less himself. It makes no sense to listen to men when you’re a woman who needs to improve anything. All they’d say would be to get a boob job, and according to all the men I know, that’s all the improvement any woman needs. It’s a men are from Mars and women are from Venus thing. They’d rather be in a cave where they’d grunt every day as their way to communicate.

From Dr. Spock to Dr. Phil, not one man ever taught me how to chill, much less gave me even a chill pill, so I don’t think there’s any man alive who can tell me what to do to improve myself, much less anyone else. In fact, most women can talk all day and communicate in great ways but even we can’t figure out how to get along with men, and believe me, love is blind by the time any man becomes fifty-five. Otherwise, you’ll never survive life as his wife. Just go back to Venus where you belong and live in a blissful state of ignorance if you want to get along with people.

I had a friend who tried the positive affirmation thing. At first, I thought it might be a good idea, considering how pathetic she could be, so she bought a CD and listened to the thing every single day. That’s great, but when she’d visit with me, she began to say things like, "I was meant to be a princess," or she might say, "Money comes to me easily and frequently," and sure enough, she got rich and she became at least a virtual princess. Still, she also got a bit narcissistic, which created a whole new list of issues she never resolved at all. No one wants a friend who chants in a public place, "I am beautiful, rich, sweet and I attract positive regard from everyone I meet." I suppose you could say I lost that friend on the day I got in her face and exclaimed, "Hey, all you are is rich, so get a grip and get over being regarded in a positive way." She’s a rich witch to this day.

Another friend wanted to be the perfect parent to her child who was three, so

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