by Marijo Phelps

Created on: March 07, 2010

Forgiveness What It Is- What It Is Not and Why Do It

My friend and I were having tea at the kitchen table and she looked into my eyes and began her story.

“My mum brought her boyfriend home when I was 17 and still a virgin, she, she was drunk and she let him rape me, got pregnant and then lost the baby. I have never been able to forgive my mum.”

I got out of my chair and went to hug her with tears streaming down my face. A mother who is supposed to be a place of safety, the teacher, the comforter of her children, the example. I simply couldn't understand. We were both sobbing as I prayed and asked the Lord Jesus to comfort and draw my friend ever so close to Him. “ I just held her and let her cry and was saying “I am SO sorry, I am so sorry.”

Their relationship has been rocky over the years. Her mum is still an alcoholic and taking many things out on those around her. She is really negative about the Lord and the fact that my friend calls Jesus her savior.

After that time, when we were back to writing to each other, we'd talk about forgiveness.

We discussed about how it is not a warm fuzzy feeling but an act of your will to choose to forgive.

We talked about some of the reasons you should choose to forgive:

*bitterness coming from unforgiveness eats away at the person who holds it

*unforgiveness breaks God's heart

*we might initially forgive in obedience to God

*by forgiving we release that person to the Lord to deal with

*forgiveness is freedom to the one giving the forgiveness

*to forgive frees one from the enemy

We also discussed what forgiveness is not:

*it is not necessarily giving our trust to that person, trust needs to be earned

*it is not an act leading to becoming friends again, although that could happen

*it is not a feeling, although feelings may follow; it is an act of our will

Forgiveness can also come in stages, maybe because the Lord knows we can only handle so much at one time. It is not uncommon to sense “I thought I had forgiven that person, so what's this then?” That might not mean you haven't forgiven, only that there is more to the ongoing process, a further relinquishing and letting go.

Some of the best mental health examples and solutions are spoken of in the Bible. I am listing them in two versions for those who would like something in more modern English than King James.

Hebrews 10:30
For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord.

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