by Michael Harrison

Created on: March 07, 2010   Last Updated: April 24, 2010

Now you would think that with a room that is relatively small, there wouldn't, or couldn't be a lot associated with a bathroom. But, women and men both have bathroom quirks. Well, check that, men have a bathroom quirk, women have bathroom quirks. I really don't think that much about them, they are necessary, unless you want to use an outhouse. I think most cities have ordinances against that so if you want to poop in a wooden box with a door you have to move to the sticks. I would say country, but even country folks have bathrooms. No, to use an outhouse you have to move to the sticks. Out where the hillbillies roam. If anyone needs a hillbilly reference just watch Deliverance, that should be close enough.

The problem I find with the bathroom is privacy. Yeah, I know there is a lock on the door, but the last I checked the lock doesn't keep anyone from pounding on the door. The door being closed should be the indicator to anyone approaching that something is happening on the other side. You should approach, attempt to turn the knob, if it's locked, politely turn away and wait your turn. Do we get that? No. To me, as long as I'm making a number 2, that is quality reading time. Whether it be a book, National Inquirer, whatever, I make use of the time. Or at least try to. I get my wife and kids banging on the door endlessly, mostly asking if I'm almost done, sometimes wanting me for something. My question is, where was the need for me prior to going to sit on the throne? I could spend six hours doing absolutely nothing, vegging on the sofa, whatever, and they won't even so much as acknowledge my presence. The second my britches are around my ankles they suddenly need my presence.

One thing I do have to question, my wife still can not provide an answer so maybe one of you can. When it was just my wife and I, you know, before children, so we'll call it Mike and Tracie b.c., I use to leave the door unlocked. I did this as a courtesy, if she needed a cotton swab or something she could come in and get it, no big deal. She used to, and still does, lock the door everytime. I still cannot fathom why she did before. At what point do you gals draw the line on modesty? If we've seen you naked, seeing you on the toilet will not be that big of a deal. Do you think that we think you don't use the toilet? I don't even understand the logic of locking the door when you're in the tub or shower. That reverts back to the naked thing. If it's because

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