by Eugene Teslya

Created on: March 05, 2010   Last Updated: March 07, 2010

What is a constructive criticism? Is it just a fancy buzz word invented to disguise mean remarks, or is it a bitter medicine that actually can, if received well, make you better? How to spot truly constructive criticism when encounter it, how to handle it properly and how to gain the most from it?

Truth to be told – a few people, whether it’s a manager or a parent, spouse or a teacher, can deliver a truly constructive criticism; most people will start off with a good intention, will continue with a hefty chunk of pure criticism and, at the end, will forget to make it constructive. Even proverbial “sandwich” technique, when you wrap criticism between two “pats on a back” – seldom helps sweetening the deal.

On another hand, not many people are mature enough to receive a constructive criticism. It is often wrongfully considered as a personal attack, its constructive part is totally ignored, emotions are charged and mutual personal accusations are exchanged.

The art of receiving constructive criticism is simple when you use L.O.V.E. principle (Listen, Observe, Value and Evolve). Note that “simple” doesn’t necessarily mean “easy” - as each one of the principles bears its own challenges.

Listen
Active listening is a rare talent; few people are fully engaged into conversation and try to understand the opponent. More often they aren’t listening but rather just waiting for an opening to start talking themselves –ignoring opponent’s point of view and dominating their own. Listening, as a skill, is not taught in schools; unfortunately, the opposite dexterity is widely advertised in media – so–called “talk–to–the–hand” technique.

When dealing with criticism, don’t shut down, do not deny, apologize or try to shift the blame. Listen! Getting the general idea is not good enough; the whole idea is that you need improvement. Listen for clues – where most improvement is needed and how you can accomplish it.

Observe
Being criticized would cloud anyone’s judgment – the key is to step out of the clouds. Observe the situation from a side point of view – pretend that you are not the one in the middle of a heated conversation but a mere observer, objective eyewitness. Remove personal feelings and you might see the point more clearly – or even agree with it. The moment you take “I” out of criticism –

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