by Mary Anne

Created on: February 22, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

In this day and age, it is difficult to realize what an epidemic child sexual abuse is. The most recent statistics show that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused by the time they turn 18. What is even scarier is that these numbers are suspected to be on the low side. Sexual abuse (both in children and in adults) still goes largely unreported, so it is difficult for researchers to create an exact number.

One of the most difficult things about child sexual abuse is the fact that children will not always tell when something has happened to them. Sexual Offenders are quite effective at the "grooming" process. This involves the selection of a victim, creating a relationship with that victim as well as their family, and also understanding how to tell that child not to tell in a way that will be effective. I have heard such horrible things as "They won't believe you," "I'll hurt your mom," "You will have to go live somewhere else," and "You'll get in trouble." To a child, the family is one of the most important part of their lives, and anything that will effect or hurt their family is very effective at keeping them silent.

Surprisingly, children may still love and care for the person who is abusing the child. Children who have been abused seem to have a tremendous capacity to separate the abuser from the abuse. They may love the abuser, and hate the abuse. They just want to abuse to stop. This is why such threats as "I will have to go away" or "If you tell I will be sent to jail" are so effective with victims of abuse. The children do not want to send someone they love to jail. Since they love the person, they don't want them to go away. As mentioned earlier, children are very sensitive to threats that will break up the family. To a child, sending the abuser away is often seen as breaking up their family. Children also worry about how the rest of the family will feel if the abuser is sent away. Often they are willing to put up with the abuse from a step-father because he makes their mother happy. Sending the step-father away will not only break up the family, but also take away the child's mother's happiness.

So, your child may not tell you that he or she is being abused. But, there are ways to recognize abuse. The most obvious ways to recognize abuse are usually behavioral. Children (as well as many adults), do not always know how to verbalize what and how they are feeling. So, they express it through their behaviors. A child who is or has

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