by Mark Viola

Created on: February 28, 2010

The Joys Quitting Smoking

So, after 30 years I quit smoking and all of these interesting things have been happening to me.  Now, not only can I breath while walking up steps but I can smell exhaust fumes from three blocks away.  Furthermore, I discovered I have this thing on my face…..  it’s called a nose.  You would think, considering its proportionality to the rest of my face, I would have noticed it a long time ago.  All of sudden, I seem to have these bionic abilities to smell.  Which has led me to the revelation that, the world stinks. 

As I can now smell exhaust fumes from, three blocks away, which at first, lead to some confusions on my part.  I took my car into the shop about 6 times complaining that it was blowing exhaust into the interior.  Finally the mechanic pointed out this magical device, called the interior air recirculator.  Now, I can travel down the road smelling only my own emanations.   Which quickly led me to realize that exhaust fumes weren’t really all that bad after all.

Until I had quit smoking, I had never realized just how many people are walking the world today, well, smelling BAD.   Or even worse, covering up smelling bad, with a veritable coating of bad cologne or perfume.  Which is like trying to hide a bald spot with spray on hair.  Good god men, have you no mirrors!  Getting back to people smelling bad, since I really have to even if we don’t really want to. 

Until I quit smoking, I could actually tolerate riding public transportation.  Now, I don’t care how high gas prices go up, because I’m driving everywhere, preferably alone.  It is so just worth it!  Just me and the exhaust fumes, at least I know what to expect.  On the metro, you just never know what new and horrendous smell you will encounter next!

That was only the beginning though.  Did I mention the gym locker-room!  OH MY GOD!  What are these men eating?  Raw skunk?  Are they prowling the roads consuming not so fresh road kill?  The stench could put a vulture off his carrion.  Of course, this revelation lead to further less flattering insights.  I now come out of good workout and go “JEEZ, what is that smell?”,  “OH ITS ME…”.  So I quickly dash off to the locker-room, where I can mask my own personal odoriferousness in the general miasma. 

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