by Cameron Foster

Created on: February 26, 2010   Last Updated: February 28, 2010

I have been in four long-term relationships in my life, three of which failed, so I know something of failure and success in the arena of love.

Throughout these, the number one lesson I have learned is this: “great sex doth not a good foundation make”. Of course, fidelity is a crucial portion of this.

A trip to the bedroom too soon after dating begins changes things. Now, understand, I am not applying some 19th Century Victorian standard which insists marriage is the prerequisite for sex.  Waiting, however, allows you to get to know the person with their clothes on, which is how you’ll spend most of your time together!

I have learned and been told by many the female point of view is more about being with the man (I speak in general, so no offense if that does not describe you) than getting laid five times a week.

But most men really can’t help it once broached, and in this arena the woman generally needs to govern the situation if it’s not healthy. If the two can’t discuss it without argument or guilt, here’s a red flag right away. Surely, women enjoy and look forward to lovemaking too, but so many men including this author tend to place this priority way too high on the list.

Early sex short-circuits the growth in the bonding. Now, maybe you are lucky and the one-night stand is now the love of your life, but this is NOT typical!

With the focus being shifted towards the physical, other things which may be very important to observe, such as destructive life habits of the partner, inability to be a responsible adult, or just a basic personality clash may be tolerated for a time because the sex/closeness offsets this.

So another huge red flag should be a great sex life with little else in common. This is a dead-end canyon and there needs to be serious assessment and communication, preferably with a counselor, to keep from making a potentially huge mistake.

Finally in point one, if your sexual relationship began with infidelity, you’ve probably already made an excuse for the transgressor. While cheaters can change, this must be carefully weighed. If your partner has a long history of previous affairs then look in the mirror and ask yourself what the Hell are you doing? If you are at fault then you need to get help too.

A second offense of infidelity against you should ALWAYS be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship. Fool me once, shame on you…and so forth.

Number two on the list is personality

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