by Dana Sailvie

Created on: February 25, 2010   Last Updated: February 27, 2010

There is no real answer to this question. There is no precise or defined way to cope with the loss of a child or a pregnancy. Different things will work for some people, and everyone’s method of coping is different. There is no hard and fast method to coming to terms with such a catastrophic event. All that can be done is to share advice, in the hope that it will work for someone.

The first and most essential step is to grieve. This may sound obvious but for some people who read this article, the first thoughts running through their minds are how they are going to cope with this. At first, for some period of time, you will simply not cope, and this is perfectly normal.

This grief period may strike immediately, or after a while, but it must be remembered that this is a vital stage in the process, and everybody will need time and space to just grieve before managing to successfully cope with the pain.

During this grief period of course it will not seem possible that one day you will be able to cope. But you will. One day it will become a little bit easier. Find support with your friends, family or even online or through support clubs. It will get easier to talk about your loss and surprisingly it can help to share your experience with others.

There will be an inevitable sense of guilt when you spend your first hour without thinking about your loss, you will feel guilty when you laugh or smile, this is all perfectly natural. It is not a feeling that will last forever.

Try to remember your baby or pregnancy with love and with a positive approach. All too often we get caught up in the whirlwind horror of the event and forget to be thankful for that little time we had.

Remember those twinges, that positive test, the kicks and maybe the smiles, they are all part of an experience that cannot be taken away.

Try to live your life in a way that honours the memory of your lost one. Be the best mummy or daddy that you can be to your other children and make the most out of life. If this experience has taught you one thing, it will be that life is short, too short sometimes.

We should make the most of it. Make a list of all the things you want to do with your life, from silly things like learning to make a cake to big things like travelling to a particular place. There should be short term items and long term ones.

There is no rush – but it will give you immense satisfaction as you start to cross off the items you have completed. It will also make you aware of what is really important to you so that you can really assess the priorities in your life.

There is nothing worse than losing a child or pregnancy. It is one of the hardest emotional journeys you will go on. There will be ups and downs and of course you will never ever forget your loss. But remember that you can cope, people do every day and so will you. Make the most out of your life, and live life to the full, for your child and for yourself.

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