by Russell Dawson

Created on: February 22, 2007   Last Updated: May 02, 2007

There is a reason that most bullying goes unnoticed until it has become so severe that its victim is forced into a state of crisis: bullying is only apparent from the victim's point of view.

From the bully's point of view, the victim is just "getting what he deserves." From the parent's point of view, the child is just undergoing yet another change in a long series of continually changing behaviours. The teacher may observe the bully and victim "socializing" and mistake their communication for friendship.

So, given that most bullying takes place "under the radar," how can a conscientious parent tell when his or her child may be being bullied at school? Listed below are potential signs that a child is being victimized at the hands of a bully. Depending upon the severity, if your child displays any or all of these characteristics, you should seek support from your child's school or through a family distress centre, your family doctor or even the crisis care centre at your local hospital.

Watch for the following signs:

changes in socialization patterns: not visiting friends, or friends not visiting the family home
loss of interest in things child used to excel in and an unwillingness to join activities where she may meet new friends (i.e. swimming class at a community pool with children from different schools)
child is secretive, withdrawn, or uncommunicative: avoids telephone contact with friends, screens calls or insists on taking calls privately, with possible mood changes resulting afterwards
child makes negative comments about friends, undergoes significant mood changes or becomes argumentative
poor academic performance or skipping class: child may pretend to be ill or lie in order to miss certain school activities, like school dances or assemblies during the day
lying: victims may cover up missing events, such as birthday parties, to which they may not have been invited
child insists that he or she and their friends are too busy to get together lately
demonstrates destructive behaviour, such as cutting or experiences extreme weight loss (or gain)
disruption to normal sleep patterns, particularly an inability to sleep at night as a result of anxiety, or nightmares
develops headaches or migraines
changes in regular activities, particularly avoiding situations in which she is likely to run into peers: not wanting to go to restaurants, movies, or other activities where she may run into the bullies
avoids certain places like washrooms, halls, or busses
child is secretive about computer use (hides screen or disconnects before you can see what's been written)
starts new friendships with children several years younger, particularly safe' children, such as cousins or children of family friends
child is frightened to walk to and from school.
begins to bully younger brothers and sisters
child attempts suicide

Once you have determined that your child may be experiencing some degree of bullying behaviour by noting the above symptoms, it is time to put a stop to the bullying. Continue to do your research since there are many valuable books and articles that suggest ways to combat bullying.

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