HOW CAN WE IMPROVE OUR LOVE OF SELF?
Love is imperative to a healthy, happy and fulfilled life that we all seek after. The life God approves and desires for us to live is quite simple to achieve, if we would only let go of our own inhibitions. In order to love others, we must first love and accept ourselves. According to Ephesians 5:29, “…no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church” and from this verse, we can infer that it is not normal to hate one self. In order to develop a healthy self-esteem and improve our self love, we must first deal with whatever is hindering us from our personal relationship with God.
1. We should seek God's acceptance by dealing with our past and sins
The fundamental cause that separates us from God is the way we see ourselves and the sins we have committed. At times, we may feel angry and unforgiving of ourselves because of what we have done. We may feel like we have made a grave mistake in our choices, failed to do something right the first time or sinned so badly that we are far from any kind of forgiveness. The truth is that God's forgiveness for our sins is readily available if we genuinely seek His mercy, that is why He sent His Son, Jesus Christ into the world. It is through the blood of Christ shed at Calvary that we may now obtain forgiveness for all our sins and shortcomings. 1 John 1:9-10 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us." So, all we need to do is confess our sins, receiving God's grace and forgiveness, exchanging beauty for our ashes.
In prayer, ask God for His peace, love and mercy, believing that you are receiving these things. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you every step of the way and to prevent you from stumbling in your walk with God. This process brings you back into God's presence and as you begin to open yourself up to God, you will receive healing and restoration in your weakness. As God strengthens you, one thing you will discover is that you can learn to forgive yourself more easily. If God accepts you, why should you not accept yourself? Do not focus on your past and what you may have done, but rather focus on the person of Christ and what you are becoming through Him.
2. We should consider the fact that we are made in God's image
Genesis 1:27 speaks of how God created man in His own likeness and image, both male and female. If we keep this fact in mind, then we are made to be God's children. So we are meant to be like God. From the Bible, we can see that God is compassionate, slow to anger, forgiving, full of mercy and loving kindness. We must therefore aim to put on the image of Christ and pursue to be like Him in these aspects. Just knowing that people are made in God's image should cause us to respect ourselves as well as those around us. We must act accordingly towards each other in the church family as well as in the outside world.
3. We are all given a measure of faith
In the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30), Jesus tells a story where he emphasises the importance of using what we have for the building up of His kingdom. Everyone is given 24 hours in the day and a measure of faith. What we do with the time we are given and the faith we have in God is up to us. We can choose to act out our faith and sow, knowing we will reap if we do not waiver in our convictions, or we can be like the last lazy, scared servant who chose to bury his talent in the ground. It is this kind of attitude that angers God, because if we know what good we ought to do and do not do it, this is a sin in God's eyes. We must therefore choose to step out in faith, pray over our circumstances and believe that God has something better for us. We must not take much notice when people are maliciously slandering or belittling us, because throughout scripture, wherever God called His people to do something great for Him, there was always opposition. We must not let this opposition stand in our way if we are going to be pleasing to God.
4. We should take heed to our thinking
"Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life." - Proverbs 4:23
The heart and mind are connected. Your thoughts primarily affect your mood. Every negative thought you have resounds in your mind and worsens your state of being. This can even affect your own health, especially if you are stressed out by every day life. On the other hand, a positive thought will make you happy and can even override many negative thoughts. Notice what your mind is doing as you go through the day - is it constantly having pessimistic thoughts? Does it try to see the bad in the good for no apparent reason? Are your thoughts continuously affecting how you feel? Are your thoughts being silently manipulated by others? If so, begin to monitor your thoughts. Write down the positive things you feel about yourself and what you have accomplished. Meditate on these more often than you think about the negative. Pretty soon, you will start to notice a shift in your thinking towards a greater peace of mind. Others will also notice the change in you. Moreover, if you are consistent in this, you could even become contagious and a person who exhorts, motivating others to be their true selves.
Also, if you suffer from depression, you should seek its root cause and deal with it. A holistic herbal remedy such as St. John's Wort may be more helpful than the anti-depressants your doctor may prescribe - research shows that Prozac can make your depression worst than what you started with. Sometimes, the onset of depression can be due to a poor diet, so you should try food such as lentil soup which can improve your mood. If you are a woman, try borage oil in capsule form daily. This tends to replace any vital elements your body may be missing.
5. We should consider others better than our selves
"Do to others as you would have them do to you." - Luke 6:31
When you deliberately look for ways to find good things about a person and compliment them, you will find that you develop a better relationship. As Christians, we should not excessively find fault, since this brings people down. People tend to perform at their best when they are given constructive ways to improve themselves or their work.
We should learn to treat people impartially and with the same regard as we would ourselves wish to be treated. One lady who suffered from a nervous breakdown was encouraged by her pastor to bake tea cakes for a charity. After following the pastor's instructions, she noticed, "I forgot to have a nervous breakdown!" Thus, there is ample proof that helping others boosts our own self esteem and raises our self worth. We are meant to be lights shining in a dark world for other people to find the way back to the true God.
So there you have it - five simple ways to improve your love of yourself! Always remember to ask the heavenly Father for anything you feel you are lacking, as He gives to all who ask, without prejudice. It is not so much what you are in your flesh that you will find your true self esteem, but instead it is what God's love for you can do TO you that results in a changed person - from the inside out.
Finally, find something you absolutely LOVE to do, such as a hobby and give yourself fully to every job you do. God has made you for a purpose - to serve Him and to bless others doing so. Do not waste another moment of your life pitying whatever may have happened to you, because it will only lead you into a downward spiral. Experience the resurrection life of Jesus, by casting your care onto Him, because He cares for you. No pit is too deep for Him to come and lift you out of! Let go off your past and trust the Lord with your future.