by Tracy A. Moore

Created on: February 20, 2010

Less than two years ago, I moved back to my hometown. My marriage had just fallen apart and I was looking forward to going home to be with family while I was licking my wounds. There was still about fifty miles to go before I reached home, and it struck me that nothing had changed in the years that I had been gone. The closer I got, the less things were different. As I came across the county line, panic set in and I wondered what I had just done.

My predominant thoughts growing up here were of leaving because I simply never fit in or felt satisfied. These feelings have intensified after seeing other places. This is one of those towns in which people see Wal-Mart as a place to go if you're bored on a Friday night. Sure there are plenty of bars around, but you had better like country music or still love music which was all the rage twenty years ago. Needless to say if you're looking for a little culture, just stay at home and find some on television. Not that I have ever been a season ticket holder to the opera or ballet, but would a few museums or art festivals hurt? There are a few events throughout the year if you are interested in pumpkins, apples or country/rockabilly music.

One would think that there would be outdoor activities galore in such an countrified place right? Wrong. The area is one of the many fallen industrial areas in the country, so much of the landscape consists of the skeletons of steel mills. There aren't any good lakes less than an hour's drive away. There is a river, but it is polluted to the point that it actually stinks. With these being the natural features, outdoor activities lean toward high school football, deer hunting and fishing. Yes, I too find the fishing funny because of all the pollution and will only say that the other two activities have no appeal to me whatsoever.

The people have not changed either. One of the things that struck me growing up here was how unfriendly a lot of people were here. As this was not my nature I didn't believe that this was just the way that people were in general, I just wanted to go somewhere where they weren't. It seems as though there are three moods here; angry, depressed, or bored. It isn't that I don't understand the feelings, because after all I grew up here too and know that it can get to you. What I do not understand is why people do not figure out ways to dispel the gloom.

My time here has not been all bad. It has been great so spend time with family especially since some of them are getting older. It has also taught me the importance of not settling, or being content to just exist. The few people which do not seem completely miserable here seem to have taken the attitude that just existing is okay. Even though they have tried to convince themselves that simply existing is okay, you can see that it is simply resignation. My years away from here taught me that there is a place out there for just about anyone. They key is that you have to be willing to go out there and find that spot.

I am aware that where you live does not define who you are as a person. That being said, where you live does affect your levels of satisfaction and general happiness. A person becomes stifled if they are too far removed from the things they love and are passionate about. There may very well be some people who are happy here, because interests and preferences vary widely. The important thing is that one has to have the courage to step out of a situation which does not work for them. Needless to say, I am looking for the exit door as I write this.

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