by Rosemary Redfern

Created on: February 17, 2010

Mutual respect between parents and children requires thought, insight, tact, openness and consistency.  How we respond to others is controlled by how others treat us and mutual respect is no different.  

Respect is something that has to be earned and can be easily destroyed.  Parenting is tricky because if often exposes parts of us that we have not always considered or worked through.  Children have the ability to see through obfuscation to the truth.  This deserves respect. This is where patience and consideration are needed. 

It is all about discipline.  Often discipline is thought of as punishment but it is much more than that.  Discipline is how we run our lives.  Do we just eat anything or do we have planned, regular meals consisting of food which is beneficial to us or do we eat anything to make us feel full?  Do we make the effort to be up early enough to shower and dress tidily and get to work on time?  If we do we can ask our children to do the same with school.  Do we deal with problematic situations with thought, consideration and patience?  How we lead our lives if observed by our children minutely because we are their only source of safety and security.  Otherwise why would incompetent parents gain the loyalty of their offspring even when they know their parents are not functioning well?

When children see their parent being consistent in their way of living, treating each other, outsiders and the children with respect, fairness and tact, children learn that the respect they are being offered is a two way thing. There are times when events in life cause us to be very angry, sometimes justly, sometimes not, but how we deal with such a powerful emotion shows children ways of dealing, or not, with difficult issues. 

If we are treated with respect we can risk respecting others.  Children soak up their environment subliminally as well as openly.  Being a parent is a complex activity.  So often it is easier to say ‘Do as I say’ rather than ‘Follow my example’.  When trust and respect are established then it is possible to demand a child does as it is told because there will be order and reason behind the demand. 

Parenting and gaining the respect of your children is not easy.  They have personalities which demand things it would never have occurred to us to want.  Acknowledging that they are different and that they can teach us also by their observations is vital.  Just because they are younger than us does not mean they cannot see and understand things differently from us and frequently more clearly. 

Being able to establish mutual respect between parents and children means a new generation of people is emerging who will be stable adults able to deal with the vicissitudes of life. 

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