by Gordon Hoey

Created on: February 16, 2010   Last Updated: February 17, 2010

How to trim a palm tree? very carefully if you want to live to tell the tale.

Most folks would probably conjure up an image of white sandy beaches with palm trees swaying back and forth in the gentle breeze as a natural background, as they lie, undisturbed, with their loved ones, in perfect solitude, pausing only to interrupt this idyllic scene with a quick gambol in the warm safe waters before them. 

It is very evocative for sure. Many products use the humble palm tree as a potent marketing symbol, to great effect. 

I live on the glorious Western Cape of South Africa, where palm trees, whilst not indigenous, are pretty common. Several grow in my garden, hence my current predicament. Currently I am walking with a limp and with several of my fingers bandaged and strapped, bruised flesh where the needles punctured the skin, with my ego deflated.

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with the common palm. On the one hand, they offer shade, have a non invasive root system and need little upkeep. On the other hand, they can be a tad unruly, kind of like a rebellious teenager, all acne and angst. Some may even describe them as the spawn of the devil, and I might agree with them, now that I have been trimming them recently.

The spikes on my variety of palm tree are as sharp as a hypodermic syringe; I know this for a fact, having just spent half a day trimming the dead fronds from about 4 feet up the tree to about 8 feet up. Not at all a difficult task if one has the correct tools. Armed with thick gloves and a hand saw on a pole; this should be easy.... Following the advice of one's wife when up a ladder sawing at the fronds and being pierced by the needles can strain any relationship. Trust me on this point.

When one has sawed through about three quarters of the frond, it breaks and heads inevitably straight at you, at your most unprotected parts, it will connect and it will hurt, a lot. I do believe being stung by porcupine quills cannot be more painful than the palm needle. Laboring manfully round the tree, sawing as one goes, avoiding with ever increasing dexterity the falling fronds, one may feel a certain sense of triumph when the last frond is removed. How wrong can one be, however, because one has to gather the fallen fronds and saw them again into manageable size for transportation to the nearest dump. There is no end to this torture.

A quick check list, which when followed carefully, should ensure you are spared my injury and ego woes;

Must haves:

* Very thick gloves, preferably thick leather or butcher style woven mesh.

* A pole saw.

* Protective goggles.

* Strong ankle boots.

Nice to haves:

*Someone to do it for you or failing that....

* Police full riot gear including a baton the thrash unruly fronds.

I have learned my lesson however; the other tree was a whopper, a full 45 feet high when we had it removed. This involved an intrepid tree surgeon, who learned his trade in Hawaii, in full combats, with goggles, steel boots, steel gloves and a chain saw. I danced a jig when it came down; that is the way to do it.

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