by Edward Hall

Created on: February 16, 2010

I got a buddy who is still looking for love. Still looking in the face of insurmountable evidence that his quest for the Holy Grail of love eternal is a kin to trying to teach a pig to dance. Everybody gets muddy and the pig just gets mad. 

I will call him Bubba. It’s appropriate and will not get me sued. Bubba might have a little more luck while still looking for love if love was what he wanted. Unfortunately, someone to hold him when he’s sad, tell him when he’s bad, share with him and walk the long road of life hand in hand is not really Bubba’s cup of tea.

Bubba would prefer a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader who can cook like Julia Childs and has a natural inclination towards un-natural acts. Of course she cannot get in the way of serious pursuits like watching football and collecting beer cans. Oh yes, it would help if she loved to wash and maintain pick-up trucks.

That is what Bubba leaves the house every Friday night looking for. He expects to find her in Johnny Pearson’s Hot Wings, Cold Beer, Bait Shop and Pool Parlor. Bubba has had some success finding women at Johnny’s, at least I believe most of them were women, but they do not quite reach the mark of his dream girl. 

For Bubba’s edification on his road to true love I have compiled a list of phrases he might hear that are possibly Love’s way of saying Don’t Touch. Bubba, if you hear: 

 “…then the FBI agent said put down the gun and we can talk about it.” 

“The three guys at the end of the bar are my ex-husbands.” 

“A Dishonorable Discharge don’t affect no woman like it does a man.” 

“I really ain’t supposed to drink while taking Lithium but what’s one more?” 

Run Bubba. Run right now and do not look back. Of course, and this is touchy, Bubba you could do some work on yourself. Like maybe: 

Visit some places outside your house that do not fix cars, breed dogs or sell beer. 

Work on your personal appearance, you are neither Urban nor a Cowboy. Get over it. 

Yes Bubba’s search for true love is eternal. I would guess it has cost him many broken hearts, a good truck and a couple of house trailer’s over the years. Sometimes, in his cups and despondent, he looks at me and asked. “Ed why can’t I find a good woman like you?” 

I take a sip from my coffee and asked him, “Which one?”

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