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I've spent my entire adult life working in one form of retail or another. Customer service jobs always seem to lead to some very stupid questions and actions. It seems people walk into stores and lose all their senses.

Years ago, I worked in a bookstore, located next to a large department store. One day a woman came in and asked, "Where are your Jordache jeans?". And another time, a woman tried to use her department store credit card to pay for her books and when I told her we didn't accept that card, she wanted to know why. When I told her we were just next to the department store but not part of it, she still didn't seem to understand why she couldn't use her card in our store.

My all-time favorite question from my bookstore days was asked by an old lady. She hobbled in on her walker, looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Where do you keep your homosexual authors?" One of the kids I hired yelled out, "In the closet!"

This old lady, we can call her Mrs. Smith, was the source of many stupid, yet very funny questions. Another favorite of mine was when she called to ask if her paperboy could pick up some books for her. I said that would be fine. She then said, he can't wait in line. I told her I couldn't guarantee whether there would be a line or not when he go there. She then asked if someone could walk him home! I was stunned. I'm sure by now, twenty-five years later, Mrs. Smith is no longer with us but her spirit, I am almost positive, lives on in a bookstore in New York.

I was a front desk clerk at a small hotel. I checked an old man in and a few minutes later he called down to the desk. He wanted to know how to flush the toilet. I told him how to flush and he said, "Thank you very much." These were not self-flushing toilet, either. I guess I should feel lucky he didn't want me to come up and flush it for him.

I worked at a grocery store in the floral department. During Valentine's Day, a man tripped over a bucket of roses and asked, "Where are your roses?" I was also asked some odd questions about how to cook dandelion greens. One guy wanted to know how to get rid of moles in his garden. And a woman once asked me how to mow her lawn. I didn't have the answers to either of these questions, though.

By far, the dumbest question I get, no matter where I work is, "Do you work here?". If I'm wearing uniform and I have a name tag, wouldn't you realize, yes, I work here! But everywhere I have ever worked, I've been asked that one.

Learn more about this author, Kat Apf.
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