by Frank Sinbeans

Created on: February 15, 2010

Not long after God created the Universe, about 6000 years ago, he got mad at a naked lady because she ate some particular food, after listening to a talking snake. The naked lady thought she and her naked husband would die that day (he ate some too), so they both tried to cover their genitals, so God wouldn't know what they'd been eating. But, even though the humans' little genital-hiding trick didn't work, God didn't kill them right away; instead they lived almost 1000 years more. What God actually did to them was to make them become clothes-wearing farmers, and he made birth hurt a lot more for the woman. Not long after they finally both had died, God got mad at almost all of the people then living, so he told one man to gather some of all of Earth's animal life onto a really big boat. Then he destroyed the world with a big flood. At least, all this would be true if the Bible were from God, and were to be read literally.

Further, if one takes the Bible literally - and as truth - then God is emotional (easily angered, and jealous of other gods that don't even exist!) is willing to kill children for crimes committed by their parents, willing to command parents to kill their own children by throwing stones at them, willing to command death to anyone who wears clothing made of mixed fabric (Deut 22:11), is OK with slavery, likes genocide, and wants rape victims to marry their attackers. In short, if one reads the Bible literally, and believes it to be true, then that one must accept that God acts in ways we would not accept from even a small child.

So what other options are there? Some choose to believe that the Bible was inspired by God, but see it as a collection of fables, designed to teach certain moral lessons, rather than as a literal work of history. These individuals may feel they are getting, one might say, the best of both worlds. They can continue to feel a special "connection" to God, by reading what they believe to be his "word," while not having to accept that their God would really do so many of the things the Bible claims about him.

Others, however, view the Bible as a collection of writings, some mythological, others historical or semi-historical, others moral, etc, written by Middle-Eastern men, from the late Bronze-Age, to the early Iron-Age. They don't attribute these works to God, but to human imaginations, as other works of the same period and region. They may be viewed as interesting literary works, or insights into cultures of early civilizations. In some instances, they may even give hints as to real-world history. But for these people, the Bible, as interesting and useful as it may be, is neither from God, nor to be taken literally.

Which category you choose for your own beliefs is obviously up to you. You may even choose to believe that God really did all of the things claimed in the Bible. But if you find these ideas too hard to stomach, then you may find one of the other options listed to be a more comfortable fit for you.

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