by Nadine Angela-Louise Jones

Created on: February 11, 2010

She got me thinking I was feeling it again,

She got me plunging head first into oblivion,

I was feeling just fine until the end,

I was sparking up under dynamite,

I thought she’d catch me withering and absurd,

Turns out she was stronger than I thought,

She turned me down and shut me out,

Still I know her soul craves for it,

And yet I can never be sure,

She made me fight for it,

Fight so hard like id never done before,

She made me scared and want it more than anything,

And still I walked away as she shoved me out the door,

Was it a dream I had or something of the sort,

Was I walking through the desert?

Cupid tethered to my throat?

Where am I now without all that I forced away?

I play the victim take the roll and still I can’t stop dreaming,

She pounds out holes through my head with her pacing,

I don’t think I’ve lived a life less drunk,

And still I live inside a bottle hoping she will drown in the memories it blurs,

I said such cruel things, trying to twist her painfully with my poison,

She saw through the thorn laden tongue,

She shamed me into my soul,

She sees me,

She doubts whether I am at my core when she looks at me

 But she knows,

 She sees me,

That scared me,

That gaze that loved what I cower from,

She saw straight through me,

Trying to build me into something substantial,

And still I pushed away,

She’ll move on because she’s strong,

I will sit here with my bitter pride,

When I’m fixed I might ask her,

When I’m that strong will she still think me weak?

She loved me and wanted me better,

Made me better and I loved it,

But feared the power she had over me,

Gave me,

The will that willed me to live,

I all but proclaimed to her,

She called my bluff and I showed her,

Still it wasn’t enough because she knew that I was an abandon,

An empty house that hid in its walls,

She knew I’d wallow broken,

Pushing her light away until I was ready to be housed,

Still I hope it’s her that houses me,

I hope I’ll let her in.

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