by P. M. Montgomery

Created on: February 10, 2010

The way this title was written:  “Is it easier to walk away or to stay with a partner who is violent? “made me Have to write for the STAY side because it is easier to stay.  It is very difficult to walk away from your home and your life as you know it.

Most people who have been in an abusive relationship have poor self esteem and have been miss-led into believing that they cannot survive without their partner.  Many have had their lives threatened if they even think about leaving and those threats are not taken lightly.  Many women, and my apologies to the men out there who are in these kinds of relationships, are stay at home moms, and have little or no skills with which to support themselves in the workplace and are dependent on their abuser for financial support.  They have had their support systems slowly taken away from them and have virtually no friends left.  Family members have been driven away by the abuser and while most are there waiting with open arms to help their loved one, until they are free from the situation, there is not much they can do to help but pray for them.

It is hard to walk away when you never know when he will show up at home to check on you to see what you are doing.  It is hard to walk away when you don’t have any money, only what he gives you to do the grocery shopping or the errands you are allowed to do.  After a while, you begin to believe what he tells you; that it is your fault he treats you the way he does.  That for some reason, you are flawed and that no one else would ever want you, so you stay.  It is so very hard to walk away from this kind of abuse because it is more than just physical, it is mental, it is emotional, and the abuser really holds his victim a prisoner because of the brainwashing he does.  “Not good enough.  Not one else would ever want you.  I will kill you if you ever leave me.  I will kill the children if you ever leave”.

These are powerful, powerful words that shake a woman to her mental knees.  In these days, there is help.  There are safe houses and people to reach out to for help.  It is not easy to walk away, but it can be done.  To save the lives of you and your children, it must be done, and it is not easy.  But you will find so many good hearted, kind people who are out there just waiting to give you a hand, to help you through your ordeal and to help keep you safe. 

Once free from your abuser, you will find that he was wrong.  You will find that people love you and that you are worth everything.  You will be able to care for yourself and your children if you open yourself up to the people who are waiting to help you.  Taking that first step away from him is the hardest thing you will ever do, but it is the best thing you will ever do.

I did it.  So have so many other women and men and we came out stronger than ever before.  You are not alone and will never be alone.  Put out your hand and we will help.  Take that first step.  The hardest step you will ever take but the one that will save your life.

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