by John Stebbins

Created on: February 10, 2010

If you pick up and move to a different state, you'll eventually need to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles. While this may be seen as a chore, there are plenty of small things you can do to make what is usually a day-long mundane errand an enjoyable one. I just moved to a different state right after renewing my license in my old state where their were many transplants, so I can bring my wonderful expertise to you, the common fee-payer.

First, bring nothing in terms of documentation, especially no cash, no checks, no money orders or first-born children (unless you can't find a baby-sitter, which could become a risk in the wrong state). They'll need any combination of your birth certificate, a picture ID, social scerurity card, a passport, a thumbprint, retinal scan, a note from your second grade gym teacher and maybe a few pints of blood. But which combination of those items can be as variable as a Buffalo weather report. So bring nothing, wait in line until your public servant will assist you assembling a phone-book list of what documentation you might need on your next visit(s). Assuming he/she 1) Speaks first-grade English, 2) Reads first-grade English and 3) Can comprehend the lists himself/herself

In line, you can use that time wisely to try a little whimsical small talk with the locals to see how well you fit in. After all, they're just as trapped as you are, they might also be in the mood to start waxing bitter about things, which is good. Bring a book if you want, but you'll give the idea that you're anti-social and that won't play well. Makes you look like your better than everyone. If you bring a book, I suggest some Dr. Seuss, so you can build a common ground with those around you. To assist in this venture, try a busy time like Saturday morning.

Realizing I might've left enough latitude to enable a lawsuit, so lemme just clarify a few things. First, err on the side of comforting your new locals. Don't walk into Alabama with a t-shirt reading "Grant kicked your ass; The War's OVER!." However, naivete can be an awesome friend. You can scare them with "Back home, driving on the right sie of the road was just optional. Hope I can adjust," but kinda leave it in that ballpark. When I was in line in Texas, I began speaking with a goofy Canadian accent, leading them to feel like they needed to take care of me. (Don't worry, anyone who'd be out to get you by criminal means

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