by Olivia Emisar

Created on: February 09, 2010

There are two schools of thought that dominate the discourse of how to raise a child properly starting at birth.  The first one declares that from birth infants should be put on a schedule, fed on time and let to cry to soothe themselves.  It is the firm belief of those who subscribe to this way of thinking that an infant becomes part of the family and must adjust to the family’s schedules and routine as soon as possible.  In other words, the child needs to be trained properly by following prescribed routines and schedules with as little disruption as possible. 

The second school of thought is to throw your arms up in the air, let the child direct the course of the day by paying attention to his/her needs.  Cuddle, play, soothe and enjoy your child as much as possible because these times go away way too fast.  Schedules be damned! Feed on demand! Sleep when the baby sleeps and make the most out of it for as long as you can.  Since you are not getting any sleep, take tons of pictures (daily!), you will thank me for this one day (really soon). 

Perhaps the right way to not spoil an infant lies somewhere in between.  Making sure that the infant’s needs are fully taken care of is more than feeding and diapering, it is a time consuming activity to genuinely bond and strengthen the trust they start to develop on their caregivers almost immediately.  Physiological needs aside, children need to feel comfort and nothing spells comfort better than being in mom or dad’s arms, staring at a face that they are memorizing line by line, smiling at a face they recognize and exploring the world from the safety of a trusting embrace.  

Perhaps letting them cry to soothe themselves is something you are able to do, for me, this is impossible.  I feel that every cry means something and the bonds of trust and communication is formed very early on in life.  No one understands what those cries mean more than the primary caregiver, it is not just the child communicating but the caregiver learning a wonderfully primitive and direct language. 

If you really have to keep an infant on a schedule start slowly, their stomachs can’t hold much food and it goes through them almost immediately.  Breast feeding seems to take for ever when they nurse for 20 minutes per breast and take a short nap only to start up again.  As their stomachs are able to hold more food for longer periods of time,  the stretch between feedings will get longer and their sleeping patterns will change to longer stretches which will allow mom and dad to get much needed rest. 

As you may have noticed by now, I come from the second school of thought in that there is no way on Earth you could possibly spoil an infant.  I do understand how inconvenient it is to be on their schedule, but believe me, even though it seems like an eternity, this stage does not last that long and before you know it, you will be staring at those baby pictures you took on a daily basis, while a teenager that resembles that baby is getting his/her laptop filled with viruses from going on social network sites and trading files via e-mail with his/her friends. 

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