by Mike Mulhern

Created on: February 07, 2010

Every time I see a commercial on TV for some online dating service I cringe.  It’s all good-looking men and women grinning from ear to ear because their date is going so well and they know a lifetime of romantic bliss is awaiting them.  Of course these are the people who checked off boxes on their online profiles such as “desperately hears biological clock ticking” and “lobotomized.”

Real dating is wracked with pressure—we all know that.  Picture this: you’re at a restaurant on a first date.  And neither of you know it yet but the two of you are soulmates.  Yes, the person at the table across from you is the one whom the fates have chosen for you to be with forever and always.  It is meant to be.  The two of you are at the table talking, eating, your date is staring at you, smiling widely and you think it’s all going just splendiferously… but what you don’t know is that she is forcing herself to consciously plaster that smile on her face because the corner of your eye is sporting a booger the size of a walnut.

Bam—that’s all it takes!  She’s too grossed out to pay attention to anything else about you, you’re left wondering why she seems distant and not into you, the two of you never connect and you’ve blown your one and only shot at living happily ever after with the one person that was chosen as your soulmate by divine providence.  All because you didn’t check for eye boogers before you left the house, idiot boy!

And real life isn’t like some Nicholas Sparks novel where a quirk of fate brings the two of you back into each other’s arms again.  That’s a good thing for you too—someone usually dies of some ghastly disease like degenerative brain pox in those books.  Nope, real life doesn’t give you those second chances.  Instead you’ll be forced to endure a lifetime of casual sexual encounters with a wide variety of hot women without any limitations on your freedom.  Try to keep your spirits up.

Fortunately, these days there is a new concept in dating.  It’s called: “not dating.”  In these modern times dates have become obsolete.  I have a pair of friends, Dan and Nancy, who have never dated—and they’ve been married for 11 years.  They didn’t have any traditional one-on-one dates.  His circle of friends

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