by Frankie Haney

Created on: February 07, 2010   Last Updated: February 08, 2010

Valentine's Day cards can be very pretty, but also very deceiving.  Take a note from my very, very EX husband on what NOT to give your sweetheart.  For our first Valentine's Day together, he gave me a card that was a little too plain and masculine for my girly, girl taste and a stuffed gorilla holding a satin heart that read "You Drive Me Bananas".  Well...OK, I decided I could accept it with a smile, even though I tried to keep that ugly gorilla out of everyone's view.  On the other hand, I had ordered a dozen roses sent to him where he works.  Maybe we both had erroneously sent the other what we ourselves would like to receive, because he was angry that I had embarrassed him in front of his male co-workers.  So much for that Valentine's Day.

Another year and another Valentine's Day to anticipate.  This very thoughtful pre-EX husband gave me a card, again simple, but this time, with a lame attempt at humor.  Oh but not just a card, and not another smiling gorilla.  Oh no...this time he gave me the gift of romance.  He handed me a long stemmed red rose.  Well, some might think it was romantic.  In my opinion, giving your love a red silk rose that has tiny lights embedded and runs on batteries, is not romantic.   I so wished that I had gotten him one of those shirts that simply read STUPID.  You know the ones.  The one where the mate wears a matching shirt but reads I'M WITH STUPID.  I would, of course accompany that gift with a very lacy and girly card to complete the sentiment.

Several years pass with similar gifts of romance.  But, the last year of our marriage, I received the most beautiful Valentine's Day card.  It was the card of all cards.  The epitome of romance and my heart swooned at the beauty of this remarkable card.  How in the world had this buffoon, searched for and found the most beautiful card in the world?  Had he somehow heard my meanderings about how I preferred lavender and lace, all things feminine with beauty and grace?  This card was in the shape of a lady's fan and could be unfolded to show different cameos of romantic emblems on each section and all tied together with lavender ribbons and gold tassels.   My heart rapidly beat with the rhythm of love.  My husband had finally turned the corner where hopes and dreams await. 

Until he spoiled the whole moment by explaining that he hadn't

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