by Shirley Love

Created on: February 04, 2010

Attempting to buy your child’s affection with expensive gifts is a big mistake.  First of all affection, according to Webster is a moderate feeling or emotion; a tender attachment;  a fondness.  In other words, it is a form of love; and true love, along with happiness, cannot be bought. Affection must be earned!

You are not helping your child to form good character, morals, self-esteem, or ethics by showering him with material objects.  What you are doing is promoting the idea in his mind that he deserves whatever he desires, and he should have it all doled out for him on a silver platter, with no attempt or action to acquire it himself.  You are not grooming him for the real adult world which he will eventually have to face.  You are setting him up for a big fall when he enters the work force and discovers that life is not as easy as you led him to believe.

A child needs his parents’ love and guidance.  He needs their understanding and their time.  He needs to be able to communicate with them, interact with them, and be a part of them.  Affection needs to flow between them along with the knowledge that he will have them standing behind him in all his attempts.  He needs to know that if he fails, they will still be there for him and they will help him to try again and again until he gains success at whatever he endeavors.

If your child wants an expensive item that is out of his reach, try meeting him half-way.  Agree to match him, dollar for dollar until he has enough to purchase the item himself.  Then, give him certain duties or chores and pay a set amount for each one he completes satisfactorily.  Even if you can afford to buy it outright to appease him, let him develop some self-esteem and some pride in the fact that he worked for it and he earned the right to own it.

If you want to develop a true affection between you and your offspring, give him your time, your attention, and your respect.  Do not talk with him condescendingly, but let him know that you are interested in his feelings, his interest, and his ambitions.

While he is young take him camping or fishing and spend some one-on-one time getting to know each other’s heart and soul.  Tell him about your childhood and listen while he tells you about his.

If the child in question is a girl, she should be spending quality time with mother and grandmother talking and sharing thoughts while they bake cookies or while they attempt to teach her how to crochet or knit, or one of the other nearly lost arts that help to bind families together in the learning process.

Plan affairs around the entire family.  A cross country trip, a visit to Disney World, Holidays with grandparents, or just a picnic in the park will help promote the closeness and affection your children deserve from you.  All too soon, they grow away from family affairs and develop their own friendships and interests, so spend as much time as possible with them while they are young.

As far as expensive gifts are concerned, it is great to give them occasionally if you can afford them, but give them only as gifts to mark their birthdays or at Christmas.  Do not do it to win their affection.  If you have given them enough of yourself, your time, and your love, the affection is already there.

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