by Ilene Shields

Created on: February 04, 2010

Sometimes when marriage fails because of infidelity, we often ask ourselves why.  Why did this "uglyness" have to happen here, to me?  Then we ask ourselves should we save this, should we even try, or am I wasting my time?  Those questions may not have an answer for any marriage.  You can go to any therapist, marriage counselor, relationship seminar and keep hoping that one of those places has the answer you're looking for.  Unfortunately, no one does but the two parties involved, husband and wife.  You have to start by forgiving each other truly and open your hearts to love, to new beginnings.  It sounds fairly simple and inexpensive. 

You have to learn to trust again.  Not trust blindly, as before, but to trust the statements.  You have to find time for one another and not keep any feeling bottled up inside.  Let your partner know when you're hurt, when you're angry, and when you're happy too.  He/she might find comfort in knowing that you still make them happy.  No one wants to hear about how awful they were, what they weren't thinking of, reckless, selfish, etc.  Therapy, time, patience and lots of love are all the things that can save a marriage after infidelity.  All these things together will not only save the marriage, but perhaps even build a new one.  The goal is to build a new relationship that will withstand the strongest of storms. 

Trust is perhaps the hardest of all to achieve after infidelity.  Not just within that same marriage, but with any other relationship.  Trust is something that has to be earned as well.  Its not something that's given just because that person believes its their right and they deserve it.  Respect is vital at this point, as well.  Whatever the type of infidelity, be it for sex or for companionship, the offending party should know what's coming if they want to save their marriage.  Of course, none of all this happens overnight.  It will take some time, hence patience!  If you firmly believe in your marriage and the love that is still there, it can work and will work.  With all the tools in place, a marriage can not only survive, but thrive after infidelity.

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