by Christie Mawer

Created on: February 03, 2010

Introver? Shy? Insecure? Who knows!

I was at a bridal show recently.  While watching the children in the fashion show, I had a thought.  Are some of these kids shy or are they insecure about what they’re doing?

When I was growing up, I was considered shy.  So much so that I was able to hide in any crowd large or small.  When asked a question, I would give a short answer and my sister would elaborate.  I was often thought of as aloof or proud because I was standoffish.

At my core I am an introvert.  I like my own company.  I get drained when I’m around people for a long time and need to be alone to recharge.  That said, I also love being with people under certain circumstances.  I love being in front of a large group and with friends for a good chat.  I’m not a recluse by any stretch.

But are introverted, shy and insecure the same?  Not by a long shot.

Despite being an introvert, I can seem very extroverted in certain situations.  Most performers – actors, public speakers, etc – are introverts.  Get them off the stage and they can become quite uncomfortable.  I can talk like mad when I’m presenting, but put me in a room full of strangers at a party and I will feel quite uncomfortable – or insecure.  When I dance I get plenty of attention.  Unlike those who say “Dance like no one is watching”, I dance like everyone is watching as I get a kick out of any situation where I can “perform”.  But start talking to me off the dance floor and my shyness may start to come up.

So what’s my point?  Whether you are naturally introverted/shy or extroverted/outgoing in a situation means very little.  What counts is how secure you feel.  Extroverts can feel insecure and become shy, introverts can feel secure or confident in the same situation and appear outgoing.  You can also be an extrovert feeling insecure who still is outgoing and an introvert feeling secure and still appear shy.  We are very complex creatures!

At this bridal show, there was one girl who during the first show was walking with her shoulders up around her ears, her hands in front of her face.  She looked scared to death.  Many were whispering, “ahh, look she’s so shy.”  In the second show she was bouncing around, grinning from ear to ear, lifting her feet to show off her shoes.  She had developed

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