by Anna Hodges

Created on: February 02, 2010

Terminal Illness and the Grieving Process

Just as we go through five stages of grief at the loss of a loved one, those who are diagnosed with a terminal illness also experience the same process. The stages are: 1. denial, 2. anger, 3. bargaining, 4. depression, and 5. acceptance. Since no two people react in the same way to what life hands them, they may or may not advance through the grieving process in the order laid out above. One may leap from one level to another, and skip a step completely, while another may move through the acceptance phase only to bounce back into anger at some point. When caring for a terminally ill patient, it is crucial to actively and lovingly

listen to them.

Denial – can be described as being in a state of numbness. It is creation’s way of dulling very painful feelings when we are not yet ready to tolerate them. They may plan something such as a trip or vacation a year or two out, although they were told they only have a few months to live. There is nothing we can say to them in this stage, because they will not hear it. They cannot understand our words on an emotional level. They may say that they know the doctor told them they only have a few months to live, but they will continue to see a future with them in it. It is more helpful if we let them cope, in their own way, with a diagnosis that is just too consuming for them to grasp at this point.

Anger – is a difficult stage for the care-giver because it is common for the patient to turn their intense anger onto those who are caring for them. They are becoming fully aware of the significance of their diagnosis now. They may say that their doctor is incompetent and does not know what he is doing, or they may complain about how hospice did not give them the kind of care that they expected. Often times, they will turn their anger on themselves. Feelings of anger are neither good nor bad; they are a natural part of the grieving process. It is merely evidence of the tremendous fear they are feeling inside. It is said that when one feels so much anger, we should look for the hidden fear that it stems from. It is normal to feel a lot of fear in the face of an unknown future. We can help by validating their fears.

Bargaining – is an essential part of this process, as it is the time that a great deal of spiritual resolution is done. Commonly, they will not speak the words out loud. They will talk privately with God, “Maybe if I am good, you will give me more

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>