by Leigh Goessl

Created on: February 02, 2010   Last Updated: March 22, 2010

An affair is one of the most significant problems that can occur in a relationship. When one partner betrays the other by an unfaithful act and breaks vows and/or promises, this is devastating to the spouse or significant other who has been betrayed by the one person they trusted.

The primary reason to send a no contact letter to an affair person is the first step to reestablishing trust, but it is not the only reason. It also means new boundaries are being set.

As an affair comes to light, whether through confession or discovery and has not already been ended, if the relationship is to survive it is best to immediately cut off all contact with the affair person. This means no communication through telephone calls, cards, e-mails, text messages, Facebook correspondences or even online games.

Essentially no contact means the unfaithful partner has to agree and promise to sever all ties and mean that promise. While the partner could simply cease communications and make themselves unavailable to talk or see their affair partner, in the long run this does not work for several reasons.

Here are reasons why it is worthwhile to send a no contact letter when ending an affair:

*The affair person isn't aware that the partner is leaving the affair relationship and will likely continue to try and contact the unfaithful mate.

*No clear boundaries are set for the unfaithful person to follow and over time the promise to cease contact may become eroded and unclear. It is not uncommon for unfaithful mates who simply stop communication to revisit communication with the affair person at a later date when things are "safe", "over" or "healed". Any kind of potential future contact is a very slippery slope and easily leads to new affairs.

*Establishing no contact shows the betrayed partner that the person who stepped outside the relationship is willing and able to recommit themselves to their primary relationship and that this is their only concern.

*Sending a no contact letter puts a permanent end to the affair and puts an immediate halt to all communications.

The reason why a no contact letter is the best approach is because it does not leave any room open for discussion, responses or pleas to remain friends. A phone call, text message or e-mail is too easy to reply and can leave things unclear and muddled. A mailed letter shows the affair person that the end is permanent and that the partner ending the relationship is very serious about ceasing any kind of contact or resuming

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>