by Karon Brandt

Created on: January 31, 2010

Compassion implies the deep awareness of the suffering of another with the desire to alleviate it. Showing sympathy means that one has the capacity to share in the sorrows of another.

In human relationships, beyond “acquaintanceships” and “forced” surface relationships with, say, co-workers, most people learn to identify with the sorrows of others and will attempt to help alleviate their suffering.

Persons with antisocial behaviors are not able to form such relationships. They constantly violate the rights of others, are rude and disrespectful, and without guilt. They are often referred to as “sociopaths” because there is pathology in their social relationships. They cannot develop normal relationships with others.

“Compassion” is a desirable, learned human trait.

To become involved with another human on the level in which you think you know them and understand them, you want to help them out when they need it. If friends are sick or injured, you might take some food to them, run errands for them or watch their children for them. You want to do something to be helpful; to relieve their suffering.

We all react a bit differently to another’s suffering, but most of us try to do something to be helpful. Most of us send sympathy cards to another in their time of loss of a loved one. We all know the pain they feel. Taking that to another level, if we feel we understand their situation, feelings and motives, we empathize with them.

For friends in serious need, you might loan your car, offer money, or shelter them in your home. The degree of involvement depends on the depth of the relationship, and one’s personal ability to help, within normal limits.    

Some people become so entwined in another’s sorrow, they overreact and intervene by trying to “fix” too much without making the person work through the situation himself. Such “helpers” often become enablers who get too involved as “rescuers” in situations of alcohol or drug abuse or other negative coping mechanisms.

In speaking of normal, healthy compassion for other human beings, most of us can identify with others in need and will reach out to them even if we don’t personally know them. In times of crisis, like natural disasters (Haiti’s earthquake, the Louisiana floods, fires and other natural disasters), most people are willing to offer donations of money or time to help the victims, even if we don’t know them personally, because we feel compassion for them.

But friendship requires more than simple word exchanges like “Hello,” “How are You?” and “Good bye.” That’s simply civility, which most of us are taught so we can interrelate with one another.  

As we become friends, and share deeper feelings and needs, we expect a higher level of openness, involvement, and emotional exchange. It is easy to share another’s joy over the birth of a child or winning the lottery. Well, actually, we’re sometimes jealous if another wins the lottery, but even if we don’t share their complete happiness, we don’t wish them unwell.

Life is filled with ups and downs and friends share both, but a true friend will try to alleviate another’s sorrow, disappointment or pain.

That is the point of “compassion.” Long-lasting personal relationships require compassion, not only to survive the tough times, but also to deepen with the knowledge that by sharing joy with a friend, that joy is doubled, but sharing pain with a friend divides it in half.   

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