by Maya Vokes-Didier

Created on: January 30, 2010   Last Updated: February 05, 2010

An average person is said to complain nearly 15-30 times a day! Hence, as much as we might want to believe that complaining is something that only others are guilty of, the truth is that we are all complainers. It is possible that some of us are just not aware of it.

Despite having definite negative connotations, complaining can actually be a feel-good factor for the complainer. So, what are some of the reasons why whiners whine? Will Bowen, author of ‘A Complaint Free World’, lists five main reasons why people complain.

- To start a conversation or establish camaraderie: People use complaining as a way to inspire rapport. There is a basic desire in human beings to connect with one another. In a closed space like an elevator, many of us look for a way to open a conversation. And how do we do that? By starting with something like “It’s really hot out there today!” When strangers complain about the weather in order to initiate a conversation, or when passengers in the departure lounge complain about their flight delay, it helps build solidarity.

- To avoid taking action by shirking responsibility: How often have we come across the person who comes to you and complains about a problem; and no sooner you suggest a solution to their problem, they find fault with your suggestion and complain about that too! Their grumble then is “There are too many problems and no solutions!” Which translates as “Whatever I do is not going to make a difference, so I won’t try.” In other words, they do not want to change the situation or find a solution. All they want to do is to avoid taking action by griping about it.

- To brag about their superiority: Examples: “I hate it when people don’t use their signal blinkers when driving!”  “People don’t drive the way I think they should.” Complaints here are cries of superiority, implying that the complainer knows better than others do. In a way, the braggers here are saying that they have high standards that are not being met by other people.

- To control others: Complaining is also used as a way to incite others to switch loyalties. Example: “Don’t listen to him. His ideas are lame.” Mudslinging and smear campaigns are made up of this type of complaining. You find it in corporate life. You find it in politics. The idea is to get your listener to switch his point of view, control him and build clout by focusing on the ‘assumed’

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